


Kill All Your Friends

by orphan_account



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M, Other, Suicide, i dont want to spoil anything else though!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-05
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 10:58:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 31,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5925973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I will avenge my ghost with every breath I take. I’m coming back from the dead, well I’ll take you home with me. I’m taking back the life you stole. This hole you put me in wasn’t deep enough and I’m climbing out right now. You’re running out of places to hide from me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Will try to update daily! :)

April 13th, early morning - April 20th, late night

“Gerard,” Mikey groaned into the phone. “Gerard, I’m sorry.” His fingers went for the red END CALL button, when his big brother’s voice rang out, worried. “I’m sorry, Gerard. Tell Mom, too. Take care.” Mikey sat in the meadow, alcohol on his breath, and he put the gun to his mouth and pulled the trigger. The sound of the gunshot made birds squawk, trees’ leaves rustle, and made animals nearby run far, far away.

Michael James Way killed himself on April 13th. The police found his body fifty miles away from home, in some part of the forest where nothing was, his body was there, blood all over the grass and plants, his face in some sort of twisted, demonic smile. They removed his body. Gerard and his mother and his absent-from-Gerard-and-Mikey’s-life-for-as-long-as-they’d-known father had a funeral later on. Closed casket. They were all quiet, surrounded by family and his closest friends, and Gerard’s lips were pursed. After the funeral, when everyone had left, after a considerate amount of time had passed since Mikey was pronounced dead, only Gerard’s father and his mother and him remained. 

For the first time in his life, Gerard thought on his impulsiveness, and brought a trophy that Mikey had won two years previous onto his father’s head when he found himself alone.

His mother stopped him, screaming, getting in between Donald and Gerard. “Stop! Stop it, hurting him won’t bring Mikey back!” When Gerard came back to his senses, Donald Way was bloody and dazed. He stood back in fear, wondering what had possessed him to harm another human, and he pushed his mother off him and retreated, retreated into safety, while Donna screamed for him to come out of his room. Donna was terrified of her son. She went to her ex-husband now, treating the wounds that had been received. Donald was going to press charges. “Maybe, if you stayed around more,” she begged. “You could help fix him. We can pay for therapy. It’s hard on Gerard, Donald. Mikey was his best friend.” 

But Donald wouldn’t be swayed. Gerard removed his ear from the door, and took out a backpack, big, but empty. 

He folded as many clothes as he could fit, his wallet, a water bottle, those hotel shampoos from his bathroom, his toothbrush, toothpaste, and looked at his mom’s opened door. Gerard needed money if he wanted to get anywhere. His fingers slowly opened the nightstand and he removed the zip-up makeup bag his mom used to carry emergency cash. There was enough. Gerard took the bag and hid it under the bed, then closed the drawer and retreated back into his own room. Gerard, then, had the idea to check Mikey’s room for cash, but he was hesitant. He wanted Mikey’s room to be left alone. 

He found himself in there, anyway, his backpack tucked neatly underneath Mikey’s bed. It smelled like Mikey in here, like old vinyls and rare comic books and Mikey smell. He let himself sleep on Mikey’s bed until night would come around and he’d make his escape. Mikey was so young, so much wasted potential, Gerard could only blame himself for locking himself in his room, barely giving his family any attention. He felt above them, but he was not. Donna had opened Gerard’s door, in a panic when she saw nobody, but concluded that he was in Mikey’s room, and touched her oldest son’s hair lovingly.

If Gerard was awake, he would have stopped her, but he had fallen asleep clutching onto a pillow. 

It reached midnight when Gerard woke up. His mom fell asleep. His dad lay on the couch, eyes groggy, focused on television and not much else. He wandered into the kitchen and got snacks, and stuffed those into his pockets. Gerard knew that his father was awake when he opened the door, knew that Donald was watching him when the door closed. Gerard knew nothing else but looking ahead, getting ground while he was awake, and he made a promise that he wouldn’t eat unless he absolutely had to. He took a deep breath and started on, leaving his past behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

Gerard found himself a job in October. His supplies were running low. It was being a waiter at a local restaurant just ten minutes from where he usually crashed. Gerard couldn’t find it in himself to leave New Jersey, so he chose somewhere he could be far away from his family, without leaving the state he called home. When he nearly had a panic attack because he thought his money had finally ran out, he looked for jobs. It required lying, a lot of lying, in order for him to slither his way into the position he was in, but he needed income. Anthony was kind enough to hire him on the spot. Gerard went under a new name, simply because no one could track him that way: James Rush. It was only temporary, until he could get an apartment and enough to support himself.

It was a few days before Halloween when he had found himself inside Iero’s place. He got the job that day, and was promised a meal from the place every time he worked. His pay was good, he got to eat good food made by Anthony Iero and his wife, and he enjoyed the atmosphere. In some way, Gerard felt a twinge of guilt for lying to the people who had treated him so kindly. When Halloween night began, they didn’t get much business.  
“James, you can take your break now. We’re not usually busy on Halloween, so go ahead and eat. Linda and I are gonna go out in a minute.”

“Kay, boss.” Gerard replied, cleaning the last table up and going over to his hamburger and french fries. His mouth drooled at the scent alone. He had grown used to his bosses taking a while off just to be alone, away from lunch rushes and rude customers.

“Oh, by the way, my son will be by later to pick up some paperwork, so don’t be alarmed if he comes in.” The door closed. Gerard took a deep breath and sat down, finally letting his hunger take over and he about inhaled the food. It was a big serving, because Linda always said that Gerard was too skinny. He finished his food, his stomach grateful, and he started to think about what the good had done when he left home. Mikey was always on his mind, his seventh month anniversary of his death was slowly approaching, and it pained him to think of Mikey no longer in this world. So young, and he was so full of potential.

“Hello?” An unfamiliar voice rung out. “I’m here to pick up some papers.”

“Alright!” Gerard had never met Anthony’s son, so to say, only heard his voice sometimes, he had never seen him or anything. When he heard him leave, the door closing with a ding, there was a power outage. Gerard cursed, and went to go look for some matches and a candle that they had on the tables. He froze when he heard someone else curse, too, and shuffled around.

Is that Anthony’s boy? Gerard thought to himself. No, he had heard the boy leave.

Gerard bumped into someone, and he screamed, flinging himself back and hitting the bar table with a thunk. He got up, rushed, and cried out, “Gerard fuckin’ Way is not scared of anyone!” His hair was grabbed suddenly, tugged, and he was being pulled down onto the floor, and he felt someone land on top of him. His fists reacted before his brain did, and he met someone’s jaw, again and again, until the lights turned back on. “Who are you?” Gerard hissed, his eyes meeting the small body of a young boy.

“Who the fuck are you?” The boy said back. “Why are you in my restaurant?”

“Your restaurant?” Gerard asked, bewildered. “No, don’t fucking tell me.” Gerard slapped himself in the face. “Fuck! You’re Anthony’s son, aren’t you? I’m sorry! I thought someone broke in.” He scrambled off the young boy and held out his hand for the boy to pull himself up.

“You didn’t answer my question. Who are you?"

“I’m G-James,” Gerard stuttered out. “I work for your parents here. I’ve never seen you, I thought you had left. I heard the door open, and assumed you got your papers. Your name’s Frank, right?” Frank looked just like his father, the same eyes of the owner staring back at him, only harsher, more cold.

“You said your name was Gerard Way,” Frank pointed out. Gerard looked around nervously. Frank eyed him suspiciously, but he quickly came up with another lie.

“A friend of mine was named Gerard Way,” Gerard mumbled. “He was intimidating, always getting me out of trouble. He had a really well-known reputation, so I thought if I used that name, the person would go running. It’s just you, though. I’m sorry, Frank. Let me get you ice.” Gerard watched Frank sit on the bar stool and he got a bag of ice and let Frank apply it to his jaw, where Gerard had beaten him. He got that strange, sick feeling, like when he had beaten his father.

“I’ll let you beating me pretty badly go,” Frank said suddenly. “If you do me a favor, James.” Gerard had to admit, he was hesitant, but Frank couldn’t be that bad if his parents were lovely. “I won’t ask it right now, but when I want it, I’ll come around. It is my birthday, today, by the way. You just beat a kid up on his birthday.”

What could Gerard do but agree to his wishes? If Frank ratted him out, he was sure to get fired, and he was so close to being able to afford his own apartment. “Fine,” he agreed reluctantly. “I can’t afford to get fired, so I’ll do your favor.” Frank moved after he popped his jaw, letting out a moan from pain or pleasure, and he stuck out his hand.

“It’s a deal,” Frank said cheekily. “Thanks, James. I’ll be seeing you around.”


	3. Chapter 3

Frank started seeing him around April. He came into the restaurant. A skinny kid who reeked of alcohol, ill-fitting Black Flag t-shirt clung to his skinny body, blond hair in his eyes, glasses drooped down his nose, and a distinctive, red black hole in the back of his head. 

Sometimes he would talk, but he liked to be quiet. Frank didn’t know why he was seeing him, he claimed to be hallucinating and asked his dad for advice on what to do. No one could help him. Frank thought at first that the boy was a stalker, he was always near Frank. When the skinny kid found out about James being hired, and Anthony Iero talking constantly about his new employee, he couldn’t stop talking. 

He nearly screamed when Frank visited for the first time after James’ employment. Frank hadn’t met James yet, but he got out of there quick.

The boy followed him and Frank noticed that he had grown depressed. His screaming stopped. That’s all Frank wanted - silence. So he limited his trips to ten minutes, tops, when he knew James was working. When his birthday came around, and he had forgotten homework that was due the next day, he ran in the shop, almost, called out something he didn’t remember, and wanted to plug his ears when the screaming started.

The blackout happened, and he knew it was the boy’s fault. The lights came back on after the mess, and Frank saw the boy, weeping near James, but James didn’t react. Frank had hoped that the ghost, or whatever it was, had attached itself to someone new, but Frank’s hope was quickly diminished.

The first audible thing came out of the being’s mouth: “GERARD!” Where had Frank heard that name before?

James had called himself that while they were both blind.

“Gerard, Gerard, you’re okay,” the boy cried. Frank looked, dumbfounded. He hobbled over to the chair while James (Gerard) got him ice.

Frank turned furiously to the boy.

“What the fuck is going on?” he whispered. “Who are you? Who is that?”

“I’ve been waiting for the right time to talk to you, Frank.” The boy replied, a twisted smile on his face. “My name’s Mikey Way. The man you call James is my brother, Gerard. I’ve finally found him. I’m sorry to follow you around, Frank, especially for so long, but I need you. I still need you. Let’s make a deal.”

When Gerard, the new name still unsure in Frank’s mind, came back, he spoke up. “I’ll let you beating me pretty badly go,” Frank said suddenly. “If you do me a favor, James.” He couldn’t let Gerard know that he was in on his little lie. “I won’t ask it right now, but when I want it, I’ll come around. It is my birthday, today, by the way. You just beat a kid up on his birthday.”

With Frank and Gerard’s deal on the living boy’s mind, Mikey, still following after him, lips curled up into a grin, promised silence.

Mikey, after almost seven months of silence, some words, or screaming, finally told Frank his tale, about Gerard, and why he was there. “I killed myself,” he started. “That’s why I’ve got this hole in my head.” He closed his eyes. “I woke up after though, and witnessed my funeral, seeing my dad for the second time in my life,” he laughed, Frank found it hollow. “I saw Gerard beat my father with my own trophy. I tried following them all around, like I do you, but they couldn’t see me. He still doesn’t.”

“Why me?” Frank asked.

“I followed Gerard here, then came across your place before Gerard did. I found you, and I knew you could see me. I don’t know why it’s you, but I need you. I need you to do something for me while I’m around, while Gerard is still here.”

“Is that the favor you made me ask of him?”

“Yes.” Mikey said simply. “You might not feel anything for me, but I’m going to be here until my business is finished. Get close to my brother, would you? He doesn’t have friends. He’s starving, too, so offer him a meal here, maybe.” Mikey smirked. “Seeing my brother does make me happy.”

 

        Mikey felt the pain from the gunshot when he killed himself. But it stopped soon after, and his eyes opened. He saw the police carry his body, his life-body, and he followed it, to home. He watched it all: people leaving his home, his father, his mother, Gerard, not caring like always. His older brother was locked in his room, drowning out his thoughts with music. Mikey saw Gerard’s idea pop into his head, and, panicked, he had to make a decision. Mikey could follow Gerard, or watch what his parents had to offer.

Mikey chose his parents, but he felt himself drawn to Gerard, and so, his silent heart was heavy as he said goodbye to his mom, for good. The first night that Gerard was homeless, his stomach growled, but the older boy ignored it. He chose a comfy spot near a public library, sat up against the building, and tried covering all of his skin with a big jacket. Mikey talked to Gerard while he slept, but by now he thought it was useless, no one could hear him. He thought it was a good idea, about sixteen hours later, to explore the town Gerard found himself in. It was big, bigger than where Mikey and Gerard had grown up, people walking around at six in the morning, busy, and the restaurant, just titled “Iero” was already opening.   
Mikey saw the boy there, pencil in his mouth, scowling at a piece of paper. The boy was younger than Mikey, maybe twelve or thirteen, but something overcame Mikey then, and he opened the door to the place.

“Welcome to Iero’s,” the boy said, grumbly.

“You can see me?” Mikey asked, unsure, quite shocked that the little kid had addressed him.

“Yeah, duh,” he rolled his eyes. “God, you smell like alcohol. Aren’t you like, my age?”

 When someone else came in, he changed his tone and welcomed them, then went to go grab his father. Mikey opened the door to leave, but it was like his body stopped him, and he turned, going to the bathroom instead. When the restaurant neared closing, Mikey realized he had no idea where Gerard was, and that he couldn’t leave. His mind raced: The family was a group of priests trying to exorcise him, the kid was some demon, no, that couldn't be it. So why was he stuck? He needed to watch Gerard! The young boy was named Frank, Mikey listened to the owners call him that again and again, and when Frank left the restaurant, Mikey felt the same pull, and then he left the restaurant trailing behind the small boy.

Mikey assumed that Frank thought he was a stalker. He even watched him consult his dad, asking him for advice on what the hell to do with Mikey. No one believed him, though, and when Frank asked Mikey what he was doing in his life, now, Mikey stayed quiet. He seemed to come to the realization that he might never see his big brother again.

His birthday passed, and Mikey desperately wanted to see how Gerard was coping, but Frank stayed home that day.  
It was a few days before Halloween when Mikey stood around the dining table at the Iero house, and Frank’s parents gushed over their new employer. “His name is James Rush,” Anthony said, forkful of rice. “He’s kind of on the introverted side, but he’s a good worker. A little skinny, though.”

“Too skinny!” Linda chimed in. “He looks like he hasn’t eaten in awhile, rugged, like he was homeless. I always give him extra servings, and I watched him wolf it down one time, like he hadn’t eaten in days.” 

The description fit Gerard nearly perfectly. It couldn’t be. 

When Frank went into the restaurant to grab something the next day, Mikey went around the counter, and, after almost seven months, saw his brother. His eyes were tired, cheeks sunk in, a little on the thin side. Mikey let out an anguished wail, and he started to cry. His big brother was alive.

Mikey loved following Frank to his family restaurant, but the more Mikey cried, the shorter the trips became. Frank would spend hours in there, doing work, but now he couldn’t handle ten minutes. Halloween came, and Mikey couldn’t handle his excitement when Frank realized he had left his homework at the restaurant, which meant he had to go out. “Why do you cry when you go in there?” Frank asked him one day. “You never did before, not until you heard about James.” Mikey shrugged.

Mikey followed him, the two boys had grown used to Mikey’s smell, of heavy alcohol, but it was strong tonight. Mikey watched Frank sprint to get his work, and Mikey stayed silent until he entered, then screamed. He turned off the lights, cut out the power, so that Frank would stay longer inside. He needed to see Gerard. Mikey turned on the lights after some commotion had happened, and Gerard’s hands were in fists, beating down on Frank. 

“GERARD! Gerard, Gerard, you’re okay.” Mikey found himself sobbing. Seeing Gerard like this, up close and personal now, he knew that it was him, he was safe.

Frank turned towards Mikey and hissed: “What the fuck is going on? Who are you? Who is that?”

Mikey felt the need to speak. An idea had formed inside his head. “I’ve been waiting for the right time to talk to you, Frank.” Mikey replied, finally a smile forming. “My name’s Mikey Way. The man you call James is my brother, Gerard. I’ve finally found him. I’m sorry to follow you around, Frank, especially for so long, but I need you. I still need you. Let’s make a deal.” 

Mikey made Frank ask Gerard for a favor, since he had gotten beaten, and when he left, trailing behind Frank like always, he grinned.

A deal was made. Mikey needed Frank to do it. Mikey promised that if Frank came through, he’d be silent, and he wanted Frank to invite James (Gerard) to dinner the next day.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter has a bit of gore. Things will get a little slow until I get a new computer, but I have enough written to get a few chapters in. xo

Gerard wound up going to his own little place, corner, whatever it may be called for the night after closing up. His bag was on him at all times, and he smiled at the money that seemed to grow, soon enough he’d find his own place, it may be crappy, but it’d be better than the cold floors and the harsh New Jersey night. Gerard didn’t have any concept of time, so he just woke up when the sun was rising, and made his way over to work.

He always brought his bag with him. Gerard had never prayed before, seriously, but he had found himself praying to Mikey, hoping that he was making his little brother proud, making something of himself to cancel out the potential that had been wasted when Mikey killed himself.

Frank was already there, sitting outside the front steps, and when Gerard came up to him, he smiled sheepishly. “Hey, James. My parents and I were talking and - uh, do you want to join us for dinner tonight?”

Gerard couldn’t refuse.

After working hard all day, Gerard was happier. He thought of the wonderful meal that waited for him. He took his break and went into the bathroom with his bag, scrubbing at his teeth with his toothbrush and at his armpits with watery hotel shampoo. His hair was kind of greasy, but he hadn’t found anywhere to “shower” or, the reality, just putting water in his hair in an awkward position over the sink, soap and bubbles in random parts of his hair. It’s not that he didn’t have the money to afford toiletries, he did of course, but he just wanted to save every penny he had.

When they closed, Linda guided him to the car, Frank sitting there, looking annoyed like he did. He didn’t seem happy about Gerard coming, but he was the one who invited him, so Gerard brushed it off.

The Iero’s household was stunning, it seemed like a mansion compared to what Gerard had been living with. Two story, with three rooms, a beautiful dining room with china in the cupboards, living room covered in art, a television blaring 80’s music. Gerard could cry.

They had vegetarian enchiladas, and Gerard enjoyed every bit, he could barely talk. His mouth was so full of food. He stopped himself before he grabbed his third serving and waited quietly for everyone else to finish, because they were all watching him, amazed at how much food he could take in. When dinner was done, Gerard helped clean up the mess, and looked at how dark it was.

It was approaching eleven. He hadn’t meant to spend that long, but he just wanted to milk out the warmth, and safety, and good food feeling for as long as possible. Frank watched him in between every bite, a stare that was right into the soul.

Somehow, by a miracle, Gerard heard Frank convincing his parents to let him spend the night when Gerard finished washing his hands. Why did Frank have such an interest in Gerard? Did this have to do with the favor Gerard blindly promised him? Gerard ended up asking if he could take a shower, and Linda gave him a towel. It took all of his power not to just let himself go, to enjoy it for hours on hours. He scrubbed his hair twice, smelled like bar soap, and combed his hair with his fingers. The towel was big and fluffy, and by the time he got dressed he was sleepy.

“You can sleep in my room,” Frank said, rubbing his neck. “On the floor. Or the couch, whatever.”

“I don’t want to intrude,” Gerard said hurriedly, putting his hands up as if in surrender. “I can take the couch.” Frank flinched, then nodded, and handed him a blanket. Gerard took it and wrapped it around his body. It was so warm.

“Goodnight, James,” Frank called out.

“Goodnight, Frank.”

Gerard, or James, as this family knew him, slept comfortably for the first time in months. His backpack was on the floor, he was curled up in a ball, safe and warm. There was no doubt that a smile was on his face as he dreamed.

Mikey was watching him, glasses dirty like always. Gerard couldn’t help but smile. His little brother, right there, staring at Gerard in awe.

“Mikey!” Gerard called out. “Come closer!” Mikey shook his head, and Gerard moved towards him. It felt odd, seeing his brother, his dead brother, but Mikey was here, so what did it matter? “Mikey!” He moved closer, then froze. This whole situation felt wrong. Something was up. Mikey still stared, not at him, but just straight ahead. Gerard was close enough to touch. The older boy took the kid’s shoulder. Mikey was not Mikey.

His skin was greying, and Gerard breathed in the smell of rot and decay, and putrid alcohol. Skin was peeling off of his corpse, showing bits of white bone. When Gerard noticed his fingers, there were no fingernails, and he touched a bit of his hair, it being loosened easily.

“G-Gee,” Gerard’s stomach churned. It wasn’t like Mikey to call him Gee, a pet name that was used when they were much younger. Mikey smiled at him, showing off his rotten teeth. “G-Gee, you’re here.” A worm fell on the ground. “Sorry,” he laughed. He picked it back up, and inserted it into his eye, or where his eye should have been. Gerard was horrified. Maggots and worms were destroying his little brother’s body, and he wanted to vomit, but he couldn’t look away, or stop holding him. “Gee, you know what?” Mikey grinned, and one tooth, nearly green/yellow/black, fell.

“What?” Gerard whispered.

“You. Killed. Me.”

When Gerard woke up, his back was damp with sweat. He looked around him, at utter darkness, and he remembered where he was. Feeling like a child, Gerard grabbed his blanket and went to Frank’s room. He was talking to someone, and he assumed that he was on the phone, and he knocked. 

“Frank?” Gerard whispered.

Frank opened the door. “James?” he rubbed his eyes. “You okay? Need another blanket?”

“Do you mind if I crash in here, instead?” His cheeks flushed red as he spoke the request aloud.

“Would you?” Frank practically begged. “Come in.”  
Gerard made himself comfortable, and when he did, he asked Frank who he was talking to.

“God,” Frank replied.

In the morning, around seven, he assumed the Iero family would be asleep, so he grabbed a note and pen and wrote thank you, then went out to grab his bag. To his surprise, Anthony and Linda were already awake.

"Oh, James, would you join us for breakfast? There’s coffee on the counter.” Anthony handed him a cup. Gerard would burst into tears any moment. He downed it, sweet caramel hotness down his throat, and he ate the eggs that Linda offered.

“You’re not on the schedule today,” Anthony said when Gerard tried to leave. “Stay awhile. You don’t need to rush anywhere.” Anthony smiled at him, offering him a piece of turkey bacon. “Frank’s vegetarian,” he explained. “We try not to eat meat much, as well, but we try to eat healthier alternatives.”

“Thank you, Mr. Iero.” Two home-cooked meals in a few hours of each other. Gerard was so grateful to Linda and Anthony, and even Frank, too. After an hour, Frank still hadn’t woken. 

“Does he sleep in a lot?” Gerard asked Linda.

“Lately, yeah. But he always does that because school started,” she explained. “James, are you in college? Take any classes?” Gerard shook his head.

“I need to save up some money and get a new apartment,” Gerard explained. “I’ve been looking at a place for a while, I’m almost there. Your job has really helped, you have no idea. Classes aren’t really on my mind.” Linda nodded and left, going to help Anthony open up the restaurant, and she told him to stay as long as he wanted and use whatever he needed to. Gerard thanked her again.

Gerard had ended up dozing on the couch after a while. He was just so exhausted, for some reason, and Frank still wasn’t up when Gerard got off the couch. It was nearing lunchtime so Gerard looked in the pantry and made a grilled cheese sandwich for Frank. “You’re still here,” said a sleepy voice. Frank wiped at his eyes and looked at Gerard. “Hey, James.” Gerard put the sandwich on a plate and passed it to him.

“Oh, is this for me? T-” Frank suddenly stopped, and eyed Gerard carefully. “Thanks.” Frank reluctantly took a bite and looked quite surprised. “Mom says you’re eighteen?” Frank asked, another bite of cheesiness in his mouth. “So you’ve already graduated?”

“Yeah,” Gerard said. “I graduated a few months ago.” It was easy for Gerard to lie. Gerard didn’t know if he looked it, but he was younger than eighteen, he hadn’t even graduated. If Gerard stayed home, he would have been a junior. But in this world, where he fought for himself, then he was eighteen, he was an adult.

“I hope you didn’t forget our deal, okay?” Frank told him. “Even if I ask it six months from now, you still owe me.”  
        

Frank’s stalker ghost, or Mikey, as he should call him now, made Frank invite his brother to dinner. Frank didn’t even like the guy, the fact that he had been lying to him and his parents for months and now he had to deal with some entity because of it made him pissed. He resented Gerard, and Mikey, too, and the fact that when Frank asked Mikey questions, he was so fucking vague about it.  
When Gerard went to sleep on the couch, Frank tried to plug his ears to drown out Mikey’s complaining. 

“When will you shut up?” Frank finally hissed. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t get your stupid brother to sleep in my room tonight.”

“Be his friend,” Mikey whined. “I just want to see him more. Once our deal is done, I move on, so let me enjoy seeing him until this is all over, okay?” Frank tried explaining that he couldn’t just up and be best friends with someone who lived a lie, until he was interrupted by a voice and knock at his bedroom door. He got up.

“James?” he rubbed his eyes and looked at the older boy. “You okay? Need another blanket?”

“Do you mind if I crash in here, instead?” Gerard blushed from embarrassment. 

Mikey let out a victorious noise. Frank could almost hear him chanting something along the lines of: ‘Let him in!’

“Would you?” Frank ended up saying. If Gerard came in, then Mikey would finally keep his annoying, loud mouth shut. “Come in,” he brought Gerard in and closed the door, watching Gerard put his blanket and a pillow down on the floor.

“Who were you talking to?” Gerard asked him. Frank froze, unaware of how loud he’d been. Frank looked to Mikey for advice, but Mikey just shrugged and went to go sit next to his older brother, eyeing him carefully.

“Don’t look at me,” Mikey said. “I’ve got nothing for you, Frankie.”

“God,” Frank replied after a moment. Mikey snorted and tried to contain his laugh. Frank thought he had screwed up and felt his heartbeat race, but Gerard didn’t question him after that, so he sighed in relief. He had no idea how long he’d have to pull up trying to become friends with ‘James’, but he couldn’t let Gerard become suspicious that Frank was seeing his dead brother and they had struck up a deal, that Frank didn’t know the exact details to yet.

“I missed you.” Frank heard Mikey whisper it into his ear. “I miss talking to you, you asshole.”

“Mikey?” Frank found himself asking. Before the blond boy could respond, he blurted out, “why did you kill yourself?”

“Someone pushed me to do it.” Mikey’s response chilled Frank, he felt a shiver go down his spine, hair rising on the back of his neck. He couldn’t stop overthinking it, and didn’t end up sleeping until four am.

Frank didn’t end up waking until later on in the day. He noticed the note, first, because Mikey was shoving it in the sleepy boy’s eyes. “Fuck,” Frank groaned. “Did your brother leave, already?” He got up and smelled breakfast, but it didn’t make much sense, his parents would have left to open up the restaurant. Frank went to go investigate the source of the smell, and saw Gerard, making lunch. “You’re still here,” he yawned. “Hey, James.” They made short, small talk after Frank deemed the sandwich safe to eat.

“I graduated a few months ago,” Gerard was saying.

“No, he hasn’t,” Mikey piped up. “He’s only sixteen. He’s a good liar, but he doesn’t even look eighteen. Come on, Gerard. Hey, remind him of the favor, okay? It might take a couple months.” Frank listened to Mikey and tried to formulate how he would say everything.

“I hope you didn’t forget our deal, okay? Even if I ask it six months from now, you still owe me.” Mikey nodded in approval, then Frank added, “I’m going to go watch some movies and relax before school tomorrow. You’re free to join me, James.” Frank snickered at Gerard and Mikey’s surprised faces, then walked back into his room where he put on Halloween, one of his favorites.

“What’s that about?” Mikey asked. “You really trying to be his friend? Aw, thanks, Frank.”

“I just think it’s nice to invite a guest to some cheesy horror movies.” Frank replied, but after a few minutes, he was starting to become discouraged. It wasn’t until Frank could hear Gerard coming into the hall and he silently sat next to Frank, eyes on the screen.

“I was washing dishes,” Gerard explained to him. “You’ve all been so nice to me, I need to repay the favor somehow. This place is so much better than home.”

Before Frank knew it, Halloween’s credits came on. Gerard and Frank were both sprawled out on the floor, eyes glued to the screen. Mikey sat cross-legged on the bed. “You wanna watch something else?” Frank suggested. “I have Dawn of the Dead or The Funhouse.” Gerard decided on The Funhouse, and they watched it together with the lights off, Frank had gone to go make popcorn for them.

During a scene where the barker was figuring out that the teens were snooping in, Frank got thrown off by Gerard’s question: “What’s the favor you’re going to ask me?” 

Frank looked at Mikey, who had faked falling asleep, even though Frank knew ghosts didn’t sleep. Mikey was such an asshole. Frank shrugged and ignored his question, turning his attention to the bowl of popcorn. He stuffed his mouth full of the puffy goodness.

“James?” Anthony asked, turning the light on. “Hey. Seems you and Frank are getting along just fine.”

“I-I’m sorry!” Gerard spluttered, and Frank watched him stand up, brush off popcorn crumbs off his jeans.

“It’s fine, James.” Anthony laughed. “Thank you for keeping him company.” Frank blushed, and then switched off the movie. He watched Mikey smirk at him. “Do you want me to drop you off at home?” Anthony asked Gerard.  
Gerard insisted he walk home, his bag on him. 

“He’s homeless, isn’t he, Mikey?” Frank asked the older boy. Mikey nodded, but it was unsure, watching Gerard leave, and for a small moment, he couldn’t help but notice a grin on Mikey’s face. It brought him back to when Mikey told him why he killed himself and he shivered automatically. “I’m sorry you’re dead,” was all Frank could tell him. Frank got his backpack and outfit ready for school the next day, and he got into bed. “Being here, it must suck.”

“Stop talking, Frank.” Mikey said coldly. “Just be quiet.”


	5. Chapter 5

Mikey covered his jealousy with sarcasm, but at the end of the night, he was cold and unforgiving. He hated the word jealousy. He had watched them, making comments at the movies, eating together, being friendly and it brought back fond memories of him and Gerard, before all Gerard did was ignore him and make him feel unwelcome. Mikey loved his big brother, dearly, with all of his heart, but he couldn’t stop feeling upset. 

A con of following Frank was that he had to go to school. The pro was that Mikey did not sleep, so he was not tired, and he didn’t get bullied anymore. It was just his pawn that was being picked on week after week. Mikey watched, not really amused, as a kid about Mikey’s age brought Frank to his knees, holding his stomach. 

“Couldn’t you use your ghost powers to fuck with them?” Frank asked, wiping his mouth. “It’s the least you could do, since you’re using me for whatever favor.”

It was the least Mikey could do. Mikey's mind wandered to the deepest parts of the human brain that had the darkest thoughts, but he shook them away. He did not want to be a murderer, not really, even with what had happened to him. “Fine,” Mikey finally agreed. “Ghosts don’t really have powers, though, dumbass, but I’ll mess with them.”  
Mikey had made his way into the boy’s locker-room, where the boy who had beat up Frank was getting dressed. His gym bag lay opened on the cement floor. After some rummaging, Mikey’s fingers fell upon something metal.

How stupid of the kid to bring a knife to school. He came up with an idea, then, and took the knife from the bag. He told Frank to prepare himself. 

“What are you talking about?” Frank asked. 

“We’re gonna get back at the guy who hurt you,” Mikey said. “Close your eyes. It might hurt a bit, but afterwards, go to the principal and tell him that guy pulled a knife on you and threatened you.” Mikey watched Frank’s lips form as if to protest, but Mikey already slashed him with the knife, three times. 

“Fuck - What the fuck, Mikey?” Mikey gathered blood onto his thumb and smeared it on the knife. Frank went to touch his new open wounds, and he cursed. “God damn it, that hurt.” Mikey pushed him forward, then rushed to get the knife back in the bag before the boy noticed.

Mikey’s plan went smoothly. Frank went to the principal, and claimed the knife he used was in the bag. The boy burst into tears when his parents came, screaming at Frank that he had no idea how Frank had gotten hurt, that he was framed. 

“I’ll fucking kill you,” the boy growled to Frank. Anthony and Linda came to pick Frank up after all the drama was settled with, and the principal promised he wouldn’t be coming back for a long time.

“I’m the coolest,” Mikey boasted, “I know. You don’t have to say.”

“Thanks, Mikey.” Frank seemed upset, still, even after what Mikey had done for him. “Can...Can you scare him, more? I’m afraid when he gets back he’ll just go at me again.”

“Sure,” Mikey said. “But you have to go to the restaurant afterwards.” Frank gave Mikey the guy’s address after Frank agreed to another deal. When Mikey grabbed a knife from the kitchen, Frank protested.

“You can’t kill him!”

“I’m not going to,” Mikey gritted his teeth. “I’m not stupid. Trust me, okay?”

Thankfully, the boy, who Frank revealed to be some dumb boy named Jeph, was home alone and grounded. He lay on his bed shirtless and with a snarl. Frank stayed put outside while Mikey climbed in through the window. 

Jeph’s eyes were on the TV, his knife, now clean from Frank’s blood, in between his fingers. Mikey took the opportunity while Jeph wasn’t giving his full attention, and slashed the boy’s stomach. Jeph cried out in pain and screeched, “what the hell?” The knife met Mikey, but it simply went through him, like it was nothing. “Who’s fucking there? Is that you, Iero?” Jeph struggled to get off the bed, pain where the knife had met his skin, blood dripping down, dark and red.

Mikey slashed another line in the boy’s stomach. Not knowing if Jeph would even hear him, he uttered, “Don’t ever put your hands on Frank again.” Jeph froze, and to Mikey’s surprise, he assumed the message had gotten through. Jeph looked right at Mikey, then. Right into his eyes, and then Mikey smiled.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU?” 

Mikey didn’t respond, simply wiped the blood on Jeph, then he left. He ran with Frank back home, where Frank buried the knife in the back yard after washing it clean, and then Mikey kept bothering Frank about seeing Gerard again. “How did Jeph see you?” Frank squeaked out. Mikey wasn’t sure, but it was sure to scare the hell out of him.

“Does it matter? He won’t bother you now. Take me to see Gerard, already.”

“I want to stay home,” Frank said. “Go see him yourself.”

“You know I can’t,” Mikey said, getting pissed now. “I can’t go far if you’re not around me. I did what you fucking wanted.” Frank wouldn’t budge, no matter how much Mikey bugged him. Frank finally fell asleep, and Mikey was left to ponder with his angry thoughts. 

He decided that Frank needed to pay for breaking his promise. So all throughout the night, Mikey would make noise, causing Frank to jolt awake and his heart race. Mikey watched Anthony yell at Frank, sometimes, too, to be quiet.

Mikey made sure that Frank didn’t get sleep that night.


	6. Chapter 6

Gerard couldn’t sit still. He waited outside of the apartment building for the woman who would give him a tour. But it didn’t matter, as long as it didn’t have rats or bugs or something, it sounded perfect. Gerard ended up buying himself a watch, and at 2pm, the lady showed up with a smile, quite flustered. Her blonde hair was in a tight bun, bright eyes taking in Gerard for the first time. 

“I’m sorry I’m late, Mr. Rush.”

“It’s fine, Ms. Anderson was it?”

“Yes,” Christina Anderson dusted off her skirt, and walked up to the front door of the place. “It’s not much, but it’s cozy,” she said, opening the door. “Just your basic one bedroom, one bath.” Gerard noticed the white paint, the room wasn’t too big, but it had a closet space, just enough for him. 

“I’ll take it,” Gerard said simply. After he had made the purchase, it was like God had said that Gerard had had enough suffering, and Anthony had come to him during his shift.

“Hey, James? It’s okay if you don’t, but we have an old couch that we were gonna throw out, but Linda wanted to see if you wanted it.” Of course, Gerard said yes, and Anthony told him that he could pick it up after work. “Frank can help you get it inside your apartment. We’ll help too, of course.” Anthony drove him and Frank to Gerard’s apartment that night, and they heaved it upstairs, and through Gerard’s door. 

“Thank you, Frank.” Gerard huffed, sweat gathering from all the heavy-lifting, even though it was cool outside. Frank just shrugged and went downstairs without even replying. Gerard wondered what had happened, if he had done something to Frank unintentionally hurting his feelings. He waved goodbye to the Iero men, then slept on his couch, in the dark. Gerard had meant to ask Frank about the scratches on his face, but he left before he could say anything. He was kind of worried for the boy. Gerard tried to push it out of his mind and thought of something else, the fact that, for the first time in several months, he didn’t have to worry about freezing.

Gerard took as many days as he could to work. The money left over from the apartment’s initial purchase went towards a fridge, then he bought a cheap blanket at the dollar store, along with some pillows and toiletries. He was saving up again for a mattress and sheets. The rest could come later, Gerard really didn’t mind, he was happy here, and he was thankful that he didn’t have to deal with winter in the streets. 

“I hope you’re proud of me, Mikey Way.” Gerard hummed to himself. In the morning, he washed all of his clothes, then went to shower, brushed his teeth, and put on some new clothes. Gerard walked to work like normal. The pure happiness he felt made him feel like he was glowing bright. When rude customers talked to him, he smiled and listened patiently to their complaints. There really was nothing anyone could do to ruin his mood. Gerard was so busy he almost forgot to eat his lunch. 

Frank came in midway through Gerard’s third bite of a club sandwich. “Hey, Frank,” Gerard greeted. Frank just ignored him and sat down at the bar. Frank’s eyes had purple rings around them, Gerard noticed how beaten down he looked, and offered Frank his coke. “School?” he asked, trying to make conversation. It kind of made him uncomfortable to be in Frank’s presence without him talking. Frank simply nodded, and Gerard was relieved when he opened the coke and took a sip. 

“James,” he finally spoke. “Please don’t forget about our deal, okay?” 

"Of course not,” Gerard replied, a bit confused. “I’ll pay you back, I’m just waiting for you to tell me what it is.”

“I’ll let you know,” Frank replied, and chugged his coke. “Tell Dad to bring home my favorite.” With that, he left, and Gerard went into the kitchen to tell Anthony. 

Gerard couldn’t deny that he was kind of worried. He didn’t know why, maybe it was that Frank reminded Gerard of Mikey a little bit. But he wouldn’t let himself get too deep into that mess. Gerard collected his last tip of the night and clocked out and started on his path home. He couldn’t keep his mind off of Frank. The symptoms between Frank and Mikey seemed similar, but Gerard tried to pass it off as stress. Maybe, if Frank was struggling like Mikey, Gerard could help him like he hadn’t helped Mikey. His thoughts were racing, but eventually he fell asleep.

Gerard was in a meadow filled with wild yellow flowers. He could smell all kind of different fragrances, until he smelled something unusual. Gerard had smelled it before, but he couldn’t remember what it was. The yellow sun was bright and warmed the boy up nicely. Gerard passed what seemed like dozens of tall green trees, until he noticed the grass had started to change colors. Up ahead, Gerard saw him, or what was left of him, Mikey’s body, bloody and still, staining the beautiful scenery around him.

“M-Mikey?” Gerard asked. “Mikey!” He dropped to his knees and held the body close to him. In this dream, Mikey didn’t speak, but Gerard heard another voice.  
“Kill yourself!”

“Just die already.”

“No one would ever want you!”

“You’re a mistake.”

“No!” Gerard screamed. “No, please!” The voice was repeating itself. Gerard put his hands to his ears, trying to drown out the noises. He looked at the body of what used to be his brother. “Mikey, what do I do?” Tears slipped out from his eyes and he couldn’t stop. “Please, tell me how to fix this! I can’t do it on my own!”

Gerard woke up and tears were on his cheeks. He immediately thought of going to Frank, but he remembered he wasn’t at the Iero place. He got himself off the couch and turned on the light, rubbing at his eyes. His nightmares seemed to come only when his life was going in a good direction.

Gerard thought of this as Mikey punishing him for living, having a better life, than Mikey who had wasted away.

Gerard promised Mikey right then and there that he would be a better person, he’d change and be good, and he prayed Mikey would listen. Gerard tried to rest again and thought about how he didn’t have a late shift. The sun woke him up again as usual, but Gerard didn’t get much rest. Nightmares had plagued his thoughts. Gerard brushed his teeth and walked to work, seeing his boss in there. 

“Hey, James,” Anthony smiled at the eager employee. He didn’t seem too happy, though. The boss ran a hand through his greying hair and sighed. Gerard brought a customer in and gave her a menu. He turned around and put his attention to the older man in front of him.

“What’s bothering you sir?”

Anthony smiled a little, more genuine than it had been before. “Ah, just kids, I’m sure you’ll have problems like this if you ever start a family.”

“Frank?” Gerard questioned, then grabbed an ice water and put it on the lady’s table. 

“Yes,” Anthony admitted. “He seems so stressed out, lately. I think it’s because that Jeph kid hurt him with a knife. He looks like he doesn’t get a lot of sleep anymore. Linda and I aren’t sure of what to do with him, to be honest.”

Gerard wrote down what the customer wanted: salmon with rice and potato wedges, then gave it to the cook.

“Maybe I could help?” he offered. Anthony shot him a look, but he quickly explained. “I could be a friend to him. We have similar interests, so it wouldn’t hurt to try to be his friend, right, Mr. Iero?” 

Anthony lifted his hands up. “If you can help him in any way,” he started. “It’d be super appreciated, James. He needs a friend. You know what? You can stop by my house after work. Frank gets home around three, so tell him I said to let you in.”

“Sure thing, sir.” 

Gerard’s hours passed by quickly, and Anthony even let him go early. Gerard went the direction of Frank’s house and knocked loudly. “Frank? It’s James! Your dad sent me over.” Frank’s footsteps were heavy and slow, but he finally opened the door and glared at Gerard. 

“D-D-” Gerard muttered, unsure of what to say.  
“What, spit it out.” Frank sneered, looking at Gerard with heavy bags and bloodshot eyes.

“Did you want to hang out? I just got off work, I was thinking we could, like, watch movies or play games or read -” Gerard felt terribly uncomfortable with Frank staring at him like that, like Frank hated his guts. “Comic books?” Gerard ended up squeaking, like a pathetic little boy. Here was Gerard, an adult to Frank, who had come undone by Frank’s condescending eyes.

“Okay,” Frank said, then started walking to his room. Gerard followed him dumbly. Frank tossed two movies at Gerard and told him to pick. Gerard ended up choosing Scream, and they watched it in total silence besides Gerard trying to talk to Frank. There was, again, no reply. He couldn’t take it anymore, he was so anxious. 

“Y-Y’know if you didn’t want me to hang out with me you could just say so, Frank, you don’t have to ignore me!” With that, Gerard felt something heavy collapse onto him. He looked, and saw it was Frank, eyes closed, breath even, and Gerard slowly realized that Frank had fallen asleep. Frank must have been so exhausted that he finally just couldn’t stay awake anymore, and Gerard was in...well, quite an awkward position: with his legs out, using his arms to support his weight, and Frank’s head on his stomach, his body curled up into a ball. 

After a few minutes, Gerard couldn’t hold his weight, and his arms faltered. He fell onto his back. Frank stirred, but slept through it anyway, even moving himself more onto Gerard. Gerard watched Scream in silence, until it ended, then he felt himself becoming drowsy. 

Gerard didn’t have nightmares.


	7. Chapter 7

To put it bluntly, Frank was scared of Mikey. Ever since the incident with Jeph, he felt his heart race whenever he saw Mikey. Mikey had made him nervous. It was worse when Frank had decided to refuse Mikey a visit to see his brother, and Frank paid for it because he wouldn’t let him sleep long. His stuff was broken. He was getting tired of it, but he was afraid of what the older boy was capable of. Frank had been deliberately avoiding the restaurant since Mikey’s outburst, but he found himself there, anyway. Frank had no idea how long he could put up with no sleep, and his parents thinking he was a nutcase.

“Hey, Frank,” Gerard said when Frank opened the door. Frank ignored him and looked for a place to sit, finally settling on a bar seat. He could feel Gerard’s eyes on him, then felt something by his hand. A coke. “School?” Gerard suggested, probably trying to figure out why Frank was acting weird. No, Frank thought, your brother. But Frank couldn’t say that, so he nodded. He opened the coke and took a sip.

“James,” Frank said, his voice strange to him. “Please don’t forget about our deal, okay?” 

“Of course not,” Gerard had said immediately. “I’ll pay you back, I’m just waiting for you to tell me what it is.” Frank wished he could tell Gerard what it was, but he didn’t even know himself. Frank walked home with Mikey right on his heels.

"Was it that hard?” Mikey nearly purred. “My brother is precious to me. I’d just like to see him, Frankie. He’s so lonely at his apartment. I told you he doesn’t even have a bed or anything, just that couch.”

“You told me,” Frank cut it short. “I took you to see Gerard. Can you please just leave me alone for awhile? Can’t you go somewhere and not follow me?”

“Doesn’t work that way, I’m sorry.” Mikey seemed genuinely sincere and sorry that he had to follow Frank around. Frank ate his favorite from the restaurant for dinner, but when he crawled into bed, he still couldn’t sleep. Mikey didn’t do much, but Frank stood there, wide-eyed, at his dark ceiling. 

School didn’t help Frank much either. He was ready to snap at any moment. It took all he had not to call out a teacher that had pressured him to say an answer out loud, but he just shook his head and downright refused to do it. His teacher was mad, but at least Frank didn’t end up getting in trouble. 

He walked home with his earbuds in his ears, music blasting, so he couldn’t even hear Mikey, either. Frank was relieved to see no one home, and retreated in his room to try to sleep. Nothing. He was under the covers, listening to his own heart beat and the pumping of blood, when there was a loud knock at the front door.

“Frank? It’s James! Your dad sent me over.” Fucking perfect. Frank groaned and walked to the front door. He was so done with this stupid Gerard, and this stupid Mikey, and they were both so fucking terrible Frank could scream until his ears bled. He opened the door and tried to focus all of his anger, and his resentment into the glare he gave Gerard. “D-D-” Frank heard Gerard say.

“What? Spit it out.” Frank could slap him. Gerard had become so annoying.

“Watch it,” Mikey warned. “Don’t be rude to him, fucker.”

“Did you want to hang out? I just got off work, I was thinking we could, like, watch movies or play games or read -” Gerard spilled this all out quickly, like it pained him to talk. Frank watched, zoning out. “Comic books?” Gerard finished, looking at Frank hopefully. 

“Okay,” Frank answered, walked to his room, and started looking for movies they could watch. The movie did start, but Frank tried to force himself to stay awake. At some point, his eyes didn’t open again. 

Frank woke up in a pitch black room. He felt something underneath him. “Fuck,” he said to himself. “Mikey, what time is it?” 

“About seven-thirty!” Mikey said. “I was waiting for you two to wake up. Gerard likes to sleep though, don’t squish him, okay?” 

“What the f-” Frank started touching the thing underneath him that he thought was a pillow, until he felt a nose, lips, and eyelids. “Fuck,” he got off Gerard and left him there, getting onto his bed and turning on a night light. He saw Gerard sleeping, smiling as he inhaled and exhaled. “I was so tired,” Frank rationalized. “I wouldn’t - I wouldn’t have just fell asleep on him like that. That’s your fault! Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“You looked cute,” Mikey laughed. “Gerard fell, but you just curled on him like he was a teddy bear. I figured you needed some well-earned rest.” Frank blushed a deep red and hoped the ghost didn’t see it. “I told you to be friends, Frank, so I don’t care how you do it. Gerard’s just lonely, Frank, he really needs someone.” Mikey went to go lay down next to Gerard’s peaceful body. 

“I’ll try,” Frank grumbled. “But let me sleep and I’ll be nicer to him.”

“You know,” Mikey said, and Frank noticed his fingers touching Gerard’s dark hair. “When we were both younger, I would have really bad nightmares. I didn’t have anyone to go to, except him. I would crawl into bed with him and just being near him calmed me down. I would sleep, but I knew he was watching me sleep. He really liked making sure that I was okay.”

“You really love your brother,” Frank commented after listening. He turned on his side and yawned.

“I did,” Mikey replied. 

“Yell when he wakes up, okay? I’m gonna sleep for a bit longer.”

Frank didn’t end up going back to sleep, he had just listened to Gerard breathe, rustle, then get up. He heard Gerard open the door and close it gently, and he didn’t hear anything else. His parents came home not too long after that though, but he couldn’t hear anything. Frank took a few moments to fix himself up and walked out, surprised to see Gerard there, talking to his dad. “You’re still here,” Frank said. 

"Yeah,” Gerard replied, smiling. “You fell asleep and I thought it’d be rude if I didn’t wait up for you and say goodbye.”

“But we invited him to stay and have dinner with us again!” Anthony said, and Frank saw Gerard about to refuse until Anthony shot him down. “It’s a pleasure having you over, James. Frank, did you sleep well?”

“Yeah,” Frank said sheepishly. “I slept fine. What’s for dinner?”

“Pasta,” Linda said. “Frank, sweetie, would you help me?” It was kind of nice, having Gerard over, him and his dad joking about work, turning the attention away from Frank for once. It only grew awkward when Linda asked, “So, James, do you have any siblings?” Frank watched Gerard almost choke on a piece of broccoli. 

“Oh, this will be interesting,” Mikey spoke, and Frank shot him a glance. He stuffed his mouth full of noodles. 

“U-Um, no, I don’t have a brother.” Gerard finally said. “I’ve always wanted a brother, but, i-it’s just me.” Frank gulped down his Sprite and tried to ignore the way Mikey glared at Gerard now. Mikey was mad, Frank knew that much, but he hoped he didn’t do something dumb. 

Linda went on like she had not caused the two boys distress. “You and Frank are similar then!” She smiled and clapped her hands together. “You two are becoming such good friends, I’m glad for that.”

“He says he doesn’t have a fucking brother?” Mikey fumed. “He has the audacity to sit there and pretend like I don’t exist!” He walked up to Gerard and got in his ear. “FUCK YOU, GERARD!” Frank flinched and watched Mikey stomp around the room like a little kid, while Gerard looked unaffected. There was a power outage, and he knew, Frank knew, that Mikey was the source behind it.

They jumped in their seats when the room went black. 

“Damn box,” Anthony said. “Let me go see what I can do.” Frank got up and felt his way to his room, where he knew Mikey was sitting there on his bed, probably looking like a pouty five year old. 

“He had to lie,” Frank said quietly. “That doesn’t mean you’re not his brother anymore, Mikey.” 

“He’s my brother,” Mikey replied. “I love him dearly. He was everything to me...Then he says those things! That’s not fucking fair! No brother should say those things, no brother should hear his older brother say that! I feel like I never mattered!”

The lights turned back on, and Frank left Mikey there to read a comic book, and he joined his mom and Gerard back in the dining room. “Was looking for a flashlight,” he said. “Sorry.” Anthony returned and they finished their meal without any other interruptions. Frank waited for something, but Mikey stayed in Frank’s room. He let out a sigh of relief when everyone was done and Gerard helped clean the dishes. 

“Thank you for having me,” Gerard said. He was about to go out the door.

“Anytime, James.” Anthony said. Frank almost felt sad that Gerard was leaving, he felt like he’d be facing his younger brother’s wrath for what Gerard had said, but he couldn’t beg him to stay over without being weird. 

Frank stayed out of his room for as long as he could, but his mom sent him off to bed with a kiss. “You look better,” Linda whispered, kissed his cheek. “Please keep getting sleep, okay?”

“Sure, Mom.” Frank wiped his cheek and opened the door to his room.

“Thanks for finally coming to join the dead,” Mikey said. Another comic book, different from the one Frank saw him with earlier, was opened and Mikey’s eyes stayed on the pages. Frank noticed about three littered on the floor with him. He sighed and went to bed, thinking of Gerard.

At school the next day, he thought about how he wished Mikey wasn’t following him everywhere. Frank wanted to see Gerard at the restaurant without the ghost right behind him. Frank wanted to talk to him, and not have it be influenced much by Mikey’s words, and he just wanted to talk. He didn’t want to know James, he wanted to know Gerard, but Frank had no idea how long Gerard would keep the front up. 

Jeph was back at school and he didn’t bother Frank anymore. He noticed Jeph’s body when they had gym, two long scars on his stomach, made by the knife that was buried under a considerable amount of dirt in Frank’s backyard. Frank almost seemed guilty, but he tried to shake it off. Before Mikey came along, Frank was always alone and being beaten up. He ate lunch alone, he did his work alone, he hid in a crawlspace in the gym, he was always by himself. It was almost like Frank had a friend when Mikey was around, even though Frank was kind of, almost, really scared of Mikey sometimes. 

Frank finished writing down his homework in his notebook and practically sprinted out of the school building when he heard the bell ring. Mikey ran after him. “What’s the big hurry, Frank? Trying to get away from me?” He had no time to reply to Mikey’s sarcastic little comment before he was opening the doors to his family’s place, and he was taken aback when he didn’t see Gerard’s face.

The place was busy, but he wasn’t there.

“Dad, where’s James?” Frank asked, going to the back, into the kitchen. 

“He called in sick, said he had a really bad bug and didn’t want to get any of us sick.” 

“Do…” Frank looked down at his shoes. “Do you think I could take him some of your chicken soup? Maybe he’d feel better after having some of that.” Anthony was shocked, to say the least, but he nodded and started up an order. When it was all done, Anthony handed his son a bag with the container.

“Please don’t get yourself sick, son.” Frank was already out the door. 

Frank had only been to Gerard’s house once, but he tried his best to remember. Mikey helped him, too. “It’s this door,” Mikey said. “The door’s unlocked.”

Frank slowly turned the knob, to see a very pale, very ill-looking Gerard, huddled up on his couch, a half eaten poptart on the arm of the couch, saved by the silver wrapper. “James?” Frank said, getting closer. “It’s Frank.” Gerard smiled weakly at him, and Frank unwrapped the bag. “It’s soup,” he explained quickly. “We thought you’d feel better after you ate some.”

“T-Thank you,” he shivered, and pulled the blanket closer. Frank opened the container and put a plastic spoon in it, then handed it to the older boy. “This fever is going to kill me,” Gerard laughed meekly. Frank watched Mikey sit next to Gerard, hold his hand even though they both knew Gerard couldn’t feel it. 

“I’ll stay here with him,” Mikey said. “Go check his fridge. See what he has. He needs water.” Frank listened to Mikey and went through Gerard’s fridge. It was pathetic. There was almost nothing in there except cheese, milk, and ham. The freezer was just simply ice trays. Frank grabbed a cup (he only had a few), filled it with ice, then used tap water. 

“Here, James.” Frank handed him the cup and watched him drink it all, the ice clinking against the glass. “It’s almost empty, the fridge.” Gerard nodded, but Frank was talking more to Mikey. 

“I-I’m sorry,” Gerard stuttered, chewing on an ice cube. “I lied to your parents and you. About me having a sibling. I had a little brother.” Frank saw Mikey’s eyes glance up quickly. His eyebrows were cocked.

“Oh?” Mikey and Frank said this in unison.

“Yeah.” Gerard nodded, took a deep breath, and looked down at his hands. “He died seven months ago today. It felt wrong to say that I didn’t have one. I miss him...so much.” He wasn’t looking at Frank. It was like Gerard refused to. 

Frank grabbed his hand, warm and clammy. “I’m sorry,” he told the older boy firmly. “I can’t imagine what that’s like.” There was an uncomfortable silence for a minute, and Frank looked at Mikey out of curiosity. How would he react? When Frank looked him over, he was actually surprised. Mikey’s eyes were heavy and sad. 

“Gee,” he whispered, finally. Then, he started to cry.

The noise could shake the entire apartment. It was the kind of sound that instantly broke hearts and made other people want to cry too, but Frank sat there with Gerard’s hand still in his, trying to keep his composure. The noise turned into that deathly wail that Frank was familiar with, and it reminded him of when “James” had come into his life.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if updating is slowed down, writing on mobile is hell. ://

It wasn’t that Mikey was lonely. He was just bored, terribly, terribly bored. Gerard had been awake up until now, but the young boy watched his big brother sleep, and, at some point, his arm fell on Frank’s torso. Now Mikey was in the dark on Frank’s bed, staring up at the ceiling above him, while he waited and waited and fucking waited for one of them to wake up. 

He kind of hated to admit it, just a little bit, but Mikey could imagine that the two living, breathing boys could like each other if it weren’t for him. 

Gerard was his precious older brother. Mikey loved Gerard more than anyone. Then why? Mikey wouldn’t let himself think back to those days. Why had Mikey killed himself? What purpose did that serve? His eyes fell upon the sleeping bodies. Gerard’s arm had moved and Mikey could sense that Frank was awake.

“Fuck. Mikey, what time is it?” 

“About seven-thirty!” Mikey said in a sing-song voice. “I was waiting for you two to wake up. Gerard likes to sleep though, don’t squish him, okay?” 

“What the f-” Frank must have not realized that his older brother was underneath him. “Fuck,” Frank got off Gerard and left him there. Mikey moved to the floor while Frank got on his bed and switched on a night light. “I was so tired,” Frank rationalized, but Mikey didn’t understand why quite yet. It didn’t bother him much. “I wouldn’t - I wouldn’t have just fell asleep on him like that. That’s your fault! Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“You looked cute,” Mikey replied and giggled at how thrown off Frank sounded. “Gerard fell, but you just curled on him like he was a teddy bear. I figured you needed some well-earned rest. I told you to be friends, Frank, so I don’t care how you do it. Gerard’s just lonely, Frank, he really needs someone.” Mikey crawled over to Gerard and looked at his face: pale and greasy hair.

“I’ll try,” Frank promised him. “But let me sleep and I’ll be nicer to him.”

“You know,” Mikey said, his fingers combing through Gerard’s dark hair. “When we were both younger, I would have really bad nightmares. I didn’t have anyone to go to, except him. I would crawl into bed with him and just being near him calmed me down. I would sleep, but I knew he was watching me sleep. He really liked making sure that I was okay.”

“You really love your brother,” he heard Frank say after he listened. 

“I did,” Mikey replied, touching Gerard’s cheek. 

“Yell when he wakes up, okay? I’m gonna sleep for a bit longer.” Mikey knew Frank didn’t sleep though. Mikey thought back fondly on the memories of Gerard with him, calming him down after he couldn’t sleep. He watched him wake up, and sit on the couch, the way his whole body moved, everything, trying to bring back more memories. 

Mikey watching his brother in pure fascination was destroyed quickly, when the Iero parents came into the house holding groceries. “James!” Anthony smiled. “How did it go with hanging out with Frank? What did you do?”  
Mikey watched Gerard quickly go over to the door and grabbed the groceries from the woman’s hands. “It went well,” he answered. “We watched a movie, but he ended up falling asleep halfway through.” 

“That’s so good,” Linda said. “He hasn’t slept much for the past couple of nights. We’re thinking about taking him to the doctor, right, Anthony?” Mikey’s little promise-breaker appeared from the hallway. He didn’t know how he could sense Frank, but he could. Being dead was something he had to get used to. “You’re still here,” Frank said. 

“Yeah. You fell asleep and I thought it’d be rude if I didn’t wait up for you and say goodbye.”

"But we invited him to stay and have dinner with us again! It’s a pleasure having you over, James. Frank, did you sleep well?” Mikey still had to get used to Gerard’s new name. He wondered if he would use it when he eventually left New Jersey.

“Yeah, I slept fine. What’s for dinner?”

“Pasta,” Linda said. “Frank, sweetie, would you help me?” Mikey stood by Frank’s seat while they ate. It was easy to see both of them freeze like a deer in the headlights when Linda asked, “So, James, do you have any siblings?” Gerard choked up and took a second. 

“Oh, this will be interesting,” Mikey grinned. He wondered what kind of lie Gerard would say about him, what details he would say and which ones Gerard would keep quiet.

“U-Um, no, I don’t have a brother.” Gerard finally said. “I’ve always wanted a brother, but, i-it’s just me.” Mikey’s heart felt like it had been ripped out of his chest. Gerard had deliberately left out Mikey from his new fake little life entirely. He could sob as if the world was crashing down around him, if it weren’t for Mrs. Iero.

“You and Frank are similar then!” Linda smiled and clapped her hands together. “You two are becoming such good friends, I’m glad for that.” 

Mikey couldn’t see past his red vision, his pure hatred building up inside of him, all focused on Gerard Arthur Way, his totally, undeniably, admired older brother, the one he would give his life for.

“He says he doesn’t have a fucking brother? He has the audacity to sit there and pretend like I don’t exist!” His eyes were on Gerard as he stalked forward, lips near his ear. “FUCK YOU, GERARD!” Mikey put all of his anger, his malice, his sadness, any negative feeling, into three words. The power he had made the power in the house go out, leaving all five of them in total darkness.

“Damn box,” he heard Anthony speak.

He hurried to Frank’s room and sat down on his bed. Frank followed after him, somehow knowing he was there. Mikey knew Frank was just trying to get him to feel better, but there was so much pain in his heart, a jumble of emotions, Mikey felt suffocated.

“He had to lie,” Frank explained to him. “That doesn’t mean you’re not his brother anymore, Mikey.” 

“He’s my brother,” Mikey tried to resist the urge to scream. “I love him dearly. He was everything to me...Then he says those things! That’s not fucking fair! No brother should say those things, no brother should hear his older brother say that! I feel like I never mattered!”

The lights turned back on, and Mikey rummaged through Frank’s collection of comic books. He heard him give Gerard and his mom a half-assed excuse. When Mikey made sure, extra extra sure that he wasn’t going to be intruded on, his eyes were filled with tears that blurred his vision. Gerard hated him. Mikey had to face the truth. He thought about his deal with Frank, and ended up feeling better, but couldn’t stop the tears leaking from his eyes.

Mikey noticed that Frank was a little slow coming back to his room, but he had gone through two other comic books while Frank was being a wuss and avoiding him, leaving the ones all over the floor. Finally, Frank came in, his whole body nervous.

“Thanks for finally coming to join the dead,” Mikey joked, trying to lighten the mood. He didn’t meet Frank’s eyes, didn’t say goodnight to him when Frank turned over and his heart slowed down.

Mikey followed Frank around at school after that night. They were both so uninterested in each other, Mikey figured, the glamour had worn off. It was all routine by now: wake up with someone dead, go to school with someone dead, and sleep with someone dead. After the last bell, Frank came back to life. The dead boy watched him scribble his homework into his notebook and ran out the door. Mikey ran after him and called out, “What’s the big hurry, Frank? Trying to get away from me?” A joke, but Frank didn’t seem to care. 

Mikey followed him into the restaurant, and took a quick view of the building. No Gerard. Frank must have realized this.


	9. Chapter 9

"Dad, where’s James?” Frank asked, going to the back, into the kitchen. Mikey just shook his head. 

“He called in sick, said he had a really bad bug and didn’t want to get any of us sick.” 

“Do…Do you think I could take him some of your chicken soup? Maybe he’d feel better after having some of that.” 

Mikey’s jaw almost dropped. Frank genuinely caring about Gerard? Even after the stunt that had happened that night, Mikey still couldn’t turn away, he knew he was anxious and nervous and all the sick feelings in the world. Gerard was his brother. He was practically the only family he had left. 

Both of them were in a hurry to reach Gerard’s house, for two different reasons. Frank could identify the building, but didn’t know what door it was. Mikey looked through each of them, then saw his brother, and noticed the unlocked doorknob. “It’s this door,” Mikey said, poking his head out. “The door’s unlocked.” Mikey went over to his brother while Frank opened the door. He looked so ill and weak. His heart felt a twinge of guilt.

“James?” Frank said, getting closer to his brother. “It’s Frank.” Gerard smiled weakly at him, and Frank unwrapped the bag, making tons of noise. Mikey kind of wished he could help his brother get better. “It’s soup,” he explained quickly. “We thought you’d feel better after you ate some.”

“T-Thank you. This fever is going to kill me,” Gerard laughed meekly. Mikey wanted to help him, but then he remembered all of those words, all of those feelings, and Mikey didn’t feel pity. Mikey sat closer to him, though, and gripped his hand. 

“I’ll stay here with him,” Mikey said, lost in a trance. “Go check his fridge. See what he has. He needs water.” Gerard was sweating, hot underneath the blanket even though he was shivering as if it were 5 degrees. Mikey remembered hearing that ghosts made rooms colder. He wondered if his presence did that, or it was just a myth.

“Here, James.” Frank came back with a cup and handed it to Gerard. “It’s almost empty, the fridge.” Mikey turned because he knew Frank was talking to him. He didn’t know what to do. He might as well have been starving, Mikey shook his head. He didn’t want Gerard dead, not yet, it was too soon.

“I-I’m sorry,” Gerard suddenly stuttered, his baby teeth sucking on a cube. “I lied to your parents and you. About me having a sibling. I had a little brother.” Mikey’s heart stopped. He looked at Gerard, afraid of what he’d say.

“Oh?” Mikey and Frank said this in unison. 

“Yeah.” Mikey watched Gerard nod, breathe in, and look down. “He died seven months ago today. It felt wrong to say that I didn’t have one. I miss him...so much.” Mikey could hear his brother’s voice crack.

Frank grabbed his hand. Again, Mikey felt that small pang of jealousy. Frank could comfort him. Mikey was useless. “I’m sorry, I can’t imagine what that’s like.” Mikey locked eyes with Frank. Frank was examining him, and he hoped he didn’t notice Mikey trembling. 

“Gee,” Mikey couldn’t stop. He shuddered, then let out a yelp that turned into a cry. His whole body ached. Gee, he wanted to say again. He remembered crying out to his older brother when he was a baby. Gerard had remembered the anniversary of his death. It made him sob harder.

There was nothing else that could take his mind off Gerard.

Frank hadn’t gotten sick, so he still went to school the next day. Mikey followed him, of course, cursed to follow Frank around forever. He thought of how to bring the favor up. His mind was thinking of how it would work, but he wasn’t sure, so he kept changing his mind. Mikey’s train of thought stopped as he watched Frank’s head hit the desk in a painful-sounding thud. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“I didn’t do my homework,” he moaned miserably. Mikey watched Frank pull out a blank sheet of paper with five questions split into three sections. “I’m gonna get skinned for this.”

“It could be worse,” Mikey said, deadpan. “You could be dead.”

Frank was silent after that, and Mikey smirked, enjoying his little victory. He knew Frank was about to blame Gerard, that he had to take care of him and nurse him a little which was why he blanked on his work, but Mikey wouldn’t let him use Gerard as an excuse. 

“If you were alive, and we had met at school…” Frank said during his passing period, after trying to convince his teacher to let him make up the work. “I don’t think we’d be friends.”

Mikey almost laughed, covering it with a small, strangled cough. “Really, Frankie? Cause I thought we’d be the best of friends. You’re annoying as fuck, you’re forgetful as hell, but you still like good music and movies and comics. If I was alive and could stomach you, I think we’d at least be acquaintances.” 

Frank shrugged. “I wish my friendship with Gerard was a little more natural. And it wasn’t all lies,” he added. “It must get weird, right? Hearing him go by a different name?” Before Mikey could reply, Frank had already sit down in his seat and prepared for his next class. Mikey walked around, fucking with other kids, mostly, sitting on their desks or slapping them in the face. 

At one point he groped the teacher. Mikey was just trying to get a reaction. Frank’s mind seemed far, far away and not even Mikey could bring him back. 

Frank put his earbuds in to drown out the world, including Mikey, and he kind of felt personally offended by it. Frank knew that Mikey’s only person he could talk to now that he had died was, was, well, him. It was kind of rude and made Mikey pissy that he wasn’t being listened to. Frank just looked lost, his eyes glazed over, music was all he knew. 

Mikey wasn’t surprised when he didn’t see Gerard’s dark messy hair anywhere in the restaurant. Frank had walked in, earbuds still in. Mikey shook his head and mouthed that he wasn’t there and then little Frankie took out his buds. “NOW YOU TALK TO ME!” Mikey yelled, and Frank rolled his eyes. “He’s not here. Your mom is though. Kitchen.”

Mikey waited while Frank talked to his mom. Frank went out the door and Mikey had no choice but to go. It was like Frank had tied a rope to Mikey’s body and he couldn’t go far without the rope being pulled back to him. They made it to Gerard’s apartment, the door unlocked, when Mikey felt something was wrong, deep down in his gut. 

“James?” Frank called. The living room and kitchen were bare. Frank’s voice lowered. “Check the bathroom.” Mikey followed his instructions and walked to the bathroom, it was silent except for the fact that Gerard was in there, unconscious, in a pool of vomit. 

“He’s in here!”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So updating will be a lot better now that I just got a new computer! :) Sorry for the lack of updating, writing on my phone was hell, and I'm much faster online.

Gerard’s skin was bare, his shirt on the floor beside him. Mikey concluded that he must have been about to take a shower, his pants still on. Frank came in the bathroom and gagged at the sight and smell of the brown sludge. 

“I-I have to help him up,” Frank told Mikey. “I don’t think I’m strong enough.”

“Can you just clean up the puke, first? God, I wish I was alive! I feel like a fucking lamp, I can’t do anything!” There were two towels in the bathroom, and Mikey was about to grab one and toss it over to Frank when he remembered. Frank grabbed it himself and wiped it off the floor. He threw the smelly pink-colored cloth in the washer. 

“M-Maybe we could call someone? A doctor?” Frank suggested. 

“He couldn’t afford that,” Mikey scoffed. “Use your brain, Frankie. He’s poor.”

Mikey eventually convinced Frank to literally drag the older boy by his shoulders to the couch. “He’s burning up,” Frank told him. He went to go open a window while Mikey watched Gerard, kind of curious as to how someone he looked up to could look so weak. The dead boy felt powerful, like he could control Gerard if he wanted to. And maybe deep down, Mikey did want to. His flesh was still exposed and goosebumps covered Gerard’s skin. “Hey, Mikey?” Mikey made a noise to tell Frank that he acknowledged his question. “When do you think Gerard will tell me who he really is?”

“That’s part of the favor,” Mikey replied. “Let him trust you a bit more. I’ll tell you when.” Mikey realized that Frank was his puppet, then, and he watched Frank’s eyes as he realized, too. It sent a shiver across Mikey’s body.

Mikey and Frank had been at Gerard’s place for a little over an hour when Gerard was coming to. His eyes fluttered open, and they widened when he realized where he was. He shot up, quickly, and Mikey was about to yell at Frank when Frank was already there, keeping him steady. “Careful now, James.” Frank cooed. Gerard had a look of pure confusion on his face. There were so many questions.

Gerard had told Frank the truth, admittedly not all the truth - he wanted to keep his job and be by himself - but truth, nonetheless. He hoped Mikey listened. The nightmares had come and gone, some were unbearable to deal with, but some only left him to stare at white walls while he tried to lull himself back into sleep. When his sickness started, they were there, ready to torture and invade his mind. 

Gerard went back to work even though he was still ill. Sick Gerard wasn’t as quick on his feet as healthy Gerard was. Two hours into his shift and he had already tripped and almost fainted at least once, and messed up a couple of orders three or four times. “You still seem sick,” Anthony said, hand on his shoulder. “I thought my soup would help you feel better, but I think you need some rest. Go home early, James.”

“I can work,” Gerard said, he practically begged, he needed the money.

“Please, James,” Anthony shook his head. “Go home. If you feel better tomorrow you can come in, even though you aren’t scheduled. Just get better, okay?”  
Gerard reluctantly and miraculously made it home without getting sick. He thought a shower might help, until the sudden motion made him nauseous and drop to his knees, vomiting up the not so healthy food he had been consuming. His shirt was off, exposing his skinny-used-to-be-pudgy stomach. Gerard had blacked out. 

He was dazed at first, but when his memories came back to him, flooding him all at once, he started to panic. Gerard remembered the very faint, sour smell of puke, and noticed he was not in his bathroom. He shot up quickly. How had he gotten to the couch?

“Careful now, James.” A hand touched Gerard’s back, supporting him as he got dizzy. Gerard turned to look at Frank. “I came by to check on you since you weren’t at work,” Frank explained quickly, tripping over his words. Gerard swore he saw a blush creep onto the little boy’s cheeks. “You were passed out when I found you. I lugged you over to the couch and let you cool off. Your fever’s gone down.”

Gerard was embarrassed, and he had to blush too. “Thanks…” he mumbled. It felt half-assed and pretty rude, but Gerard couldn’t muster up the courage to say much more. He was grateful for Frank, so why couldn’t he apologize and act sincere about it? “Frank...I -” Gerard faltered, then was silent. He got up and balanced as black dots formed, but he kept himself steady and walked over to Frank, who was watching him with cat-like eyes. Gerard engulfed him in a hug, pulling him closer, his chin on the boy’s scruffy head. Frank stiffened, obviously uncomfortable and surprised by the sudden touch, but he patted Gerard on the back until Gerard released him. “Thank you.”

“It’s - It’s no big deal, rea -” Frank hiccupped, “really. We’re friends, so...So it wouldn’t be right if I didn’t help you.”

Gerard felt warm and happy and beamed when he heard Frank say the word “friend”. They were friends now, weren’t they? He hadn’t had a real friend, someone to just hang out with, in ages. A thought occurred to him: “Frank, hell, isn’t it late? You should go home.” It was getting dark and the sky was turning orange and dark blue. “I don’t want to get myself in trouble with your parents. Go ahead and let yourself out.”

“Okay, but lock your fucking door when you’re by yourself, you dumbass!” Frank replied, walking out. He had not walked four steps out the door when he stated, “get better soon so we can hang out.” Gerard locked the door behind him and said that he’d work tomorrow and then go looking for a mattress or a better cabinet and better food. Maybe more pots and pans. He was exhausted even though he had passed out, his eyes were droopy and he was more and more drowsy as the minutes passed.

It wasn’t until Gerard was comfy and half-asleep that he remembered he had not yet cleaned his greasy hair. 

He woke up early to shower, then he walked off to work, hoping Anthony would let him. Fortunately enough, he did, and spent the whole day powering through being sick. A very slow day awaited him, until Gerard’s eyes lit up when he saw Frank through the glass. “Hi!” Gerard said, a little more peppy than he had meant. 

“Hey, G-” Frank looked at Gerard in pure horror. “James. Feeling any better?” If Gerard hadn’t known, it was almost like Frank was about to call him a name he hadn’t heard in so many, many months. 

“Yeah,” Gerard said, brushing it off. “Most of it is out of my system. I probably would have still been sick if I was just left on the floor.” Frank went to go sit down while Gerard hurried over to a customer. “I’m sorry, miss, what do you need?” He had ended up at a table of high school girls, none much older than himself. 

“Could we have the check, please?” One girl giggled and one blushed furiously and hissed at the giggling friend. 

“Sure, just a minute.” Gerard went and grabbed the check, bumping into the girl that had blushed earlier. “I’m sorry!” he apologized profusely. The girl shook her head. She looked at Gerard almost like she was afraid of him. “I’m sorry, do...Do we know each other?”

“No!” the girl said instantly. “I’ve, um, I’ve come here before, but I don’t know you from anywhere else. I wanted to um, know, if you.” She looked down at her shoes and Gerard was left scratching his head. “If you wanted to go out sometime. My name’s Lindsey.”

“Oh, uh,” Gerard stammered. What was he supposed to say?

“James!” Anthony called.

He mentally sighed in relief. “Be right there, boss!” He watched Lindsey’s eyes lose their brightness. “Um, I’ll get back to you on that. I have to work right now…” Gerard forced a small smile.

“Oh...Okay.” Lindsey said, took the check, and scurried over to her friends.

Gerard caught eyes with Frank and noticed his smug smile. It sounded like he was singing a elementary school rhyme. “Oh shut up,” Gerard told him. Frank was humming “k-i-s-s-i-n-g”. Frank had no idea that Gerard, well, James, didn’t really swing that way, and he was kind of afraid Frank wouldn’t hang out with him anymore if he knew. He’d wait until him and Frank were better friends to reveal that about himself. 

“She’s at the coffee shop across the street,” Frank murmured to him. “I think she’s waiting for you to get off work so she can see if you want to go on a date with her. Kind of cute in a creepy way.”

Gerard worked with the occasional two second conversation to Frank, while he worked on his own homework. His shift quickly ended and he kind of wished he could ask Anthony to stay a little longer. Lindsey was still at the coffee shop, Frank pointed out for him. Gerard finally went out after they had closed up and, surprise surprise, Lindsey was there, fiddling with her hands. “Hey,” she said shyly. 

“Hey, Lindsey right?” Gerard tried to act as polite as he could, even though it was really creepy that she had waited for him for hours. 

“Y-Yeah,” she smiled. “You remembered my name.” Gerard wanted to turn away, but Lindsey blurted out, “so, um, do you have an answer for me?” Gerard cursed in his mind and ruffled through his hair. He nodded.

“Um, sure. I have Saturday off if you want to meet up?” Lindsey nodded.

“My uncle owns that coffee shop over there,” she said. “Maybe we could meet up around noon and go for coffee, or something.” Gerard said it’d be a good idea, simply because he’d get coffee out of it. “See you on Saturday then, James.” Lindsey waved and went over to her uncle’s shop. Gerard started for home, then felt a lapse of panic. He had no idea how to date someone! What would he wear? How much money would he have to spend? And he was so excited to finally get a mattress this weekend. He only had two days to figure out everything? Could Gerard just cancel? 

It took a while, but Gerard finally decided to ask Frank for advice. Maybe Gerard could hang out at Frank’s and try to calm the fuck down before his...date. He couldn’t sleep, his thoughts were too busy racing at the fact. His fingers pressed down onto his chest, his heart thumping madly and wildly. Gerard was drowsy by midnight. 

“You're almost nineteen, and you've never went on a date?” Frank giggled in between mouthfuls of potato chips. Gerard blushed and rubbed his neck. 

“No,” Gerard threw a toy ball at Frank's head teasingly. “I've never been on a date! Have you?”

“Yeah of course,” Frank replied, grabbing Gerard’s plaid shirt, and straightened it out for him. Frank must have come up with an idea, and he blurted out, “don't tell me you're a virgin.”

Gerard could have fallen off Frank’s bed. 

“You are!”

“No I'm not! Shut up! You're fourteen, don't tell me you're not a virgin.”

Gerard...well Gerard wasn't, technically, but the way Frank must be thinking, he was. He had only had sex with one man.

Frank paused for a moment and Gerard noticed his hesitation. 

“I'm...not a virgin.” Frank admitted. He waved Gerard’s shocked eyes and questions away. “Anyways, just be calm during your date with this girl, okay? Don't act like a douchebag and don't be all nervous. Being late is douchebag behavior, so you better get dressed and go.”

Gerard changed his shirt and stole some cologne from the bathroom. “I don't even know why I agreed to this date,” he muttered. “I was on the spot. I didn't want to be an asshole.”

Frank wished him good luck and he was on his way.

Lindsey was dressed in a red plaid skirt and a black top, Gerard noticed. Her hair was in a ponytail and her makeup made her look even more pretty. He was gay, but not blind, and Gerard knew she put a lot of effort into her look. She was very pretty, nice lips and bright eyes, Gerard didn't have to be straight to nice that at all. 

“Hey, James.” Lindsey smiled at him and he smiled back. “Ready for coffee? You look really good.” Gerard opened the door for her and she pulled him to a booth near a window.

Gerard ordered just a black coffee and a croissant, while this girl ordered something that sounded like it had sixty bags of sugar in it alone. She topped it off with a blueberry muffin and Gerard realized that it was awkwardly silent. “So, um, do you go to the high school around here?”

“Yeah,” she said grinning ear to ear. “I'm a junior.” Gerard felt his face grow red. Lindsey couldn't possibly be older than him, could she? “I was afraid,” she confessed suddenly and quickly. 

“Why?” Gerard’s croissant came and he nibbled on it slowly. 

“I thought you were going to stand me up. I haven't had a date since freshman year and, well, you seem so nice and you're really cute too and -” Lindsey rested her head on the table and whimpered. “I sound so dumb, I'm sorry.”

“No, no!” Gerard reassured her, smiling as sincerely as he could. “I'm flattered, honestly. And I’m really grateful that we're here, I mean, I love coffee. It's such a good idea for a date.” He wasn't even thinking about what he said, word vomit just spilled out and he prayed he made sense. “I wouldn't stand a pretty girl up,” Gerard added, “only douches do that.”

They ate their food in silence with an occasional drink of coffee, and Gerard couldn't help but think of Frank in that instance, and how at ease Gerard felt when there was a weird silence.

“James? You look distracted, are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he replied automatically. “Tell me about yourself. I’d like to hear more about you.”

Gerard tried to listen, he really did, watching the way Lindsey’s glossed up lips moved, he swear he heard the first few sentences until his mind wandered again. Gerard didn't want to be an asshole, but he just couldn't focus. He watched himself like he was in a movie, like he was out of his body, Lindsey pay for the date and Gerard making an offer to walk the girl home, and when she reached for him and put her lips to his. 

Gerard, of course, was so zoned out he wasn't able to reciprocate, and...well, not like he wanted to anyways. He came back eventually, and tasted her lipgloss: strawberry kiwi. Gerard pressed his fingertips to his lips on the way back.

He pondered going home first, but went to the Iero home instead.

Frank opened the door and didn't look at all surprised to see the older boy standing there. “How was it?” He beamed at him. “I hope you didn't bore her to death.”

“It was n-nice,” Gerard answered. “It was just a date. It wasn't anything special. She kissed me, though.”

Frank's eyes widened. He grabbed Gerard and led him into his room. When they were alone, he asked, “how was she, James? Good kiss, bad kiss?”

“I don't know!” Gerard spit out and pushed Frank playfully. “I wasn't paying attention. I zoned out, I think, but her lip gloss tastes good.”

“Are you gonna go out again?”

“Probably not,” he replied absentmindedly. “She was pretty, but I don't like her. I'm not looking to date anyone, I just need to focus on work. I'm getting a mattress and sheets tomorrow.” 

“Do you wanna spend the night?” Frank asked, handing him a pair of sweats.

“Will your parents mind?”

“Nah. They love you, James. And we're friends.” Gerard felt a flutter in his stomach.

Gerard had joined them for dinner three times. This time it was lasagna with garlic bread, and Gerard’s mouth watered at the smell of it alone. He liked his bosses. They were good parents, better than Gerard’s, his father…

“Christmas is a few weeks away,” Anthony said, making him lose his train of thought. “Were you planning on going to see your family?” Gerard didn't know how to answer. Would he lie, take time off work when he needed the money, or tell the truth and get pestered with more questions he just couldn't answer?

“No,” Gerard said after a bite. “My parents are spending Christmas in another state, so I'm here if you need me to work or anything.”

Gerard saw Frank tense up and mumbled something to himself that no one else heard. They ate dinner with occasional small talk in between, and then Gerard went into Frank’s room for the night.

“Try not to stay up too late!” Linda called out.

Frank went into the bathroom while Gerard stayed, and he felt a wave of curiosity spill over him. He had never really explored Frank’s room before. He walked over to the closet and opened it slowly, peering in at what it contained. A guitar stared back at him, hung on the wall, and Gerard was shocked, but not in a bad way, he just had no idea that Frank played.

He closed the door and went over to the nightstand. There wasn't much in there, just papers and pencils and miscellaneous things. Gerard felt a pang in his chest. It had been so long since he’s drawn, he missed it so much. Quickly, he closed the drawer and sat back down after hearing Frank come back.

“Frank?”

“Hm?”

“Do you have any blank paper? And a pencil? I want to, um, draw.”

Frank looked a little freaked out, but he did the request and handed him paper. “You draw?” Frank asked. “I wish I could, I don't really have any talent.” Gerard wanted to mention the guitar, but stopped himself and held the pencil in his hand. It felt so right. He started a quick, easy sketch, and was done within ten minutes.

“Your brother?” Frank whispered. Gerard had not meant to, but he ended up drawing his baby brother as he remembered. Gerard nodded, and without another word he laid down and tried to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

Anthony had let him in a few days after that, and he waited patiently for Frank to return from school. While he waited, he asked Anthony if Frank played guitar. He didn’t want to snoop, or let Frank know he was snooping, so Anthony seemed safe enough.

“Yeah,” The older man rubbed his neck. “When I was young, I played drums a lot, tried to get him into it, too, but he was pulled to a guitar. He hasn't played it since April, I think.” Gerard wondered if Frank was any good at it.

“I'd like to hear him play,” Gerard said. “I'm sure he's great.”

“He is, I don't know what happened to make him stop, though.” Anthony left to the restaurant, but he suddenly got pushed to the side as Frank stormed past. “Something must have happened at school again,” Anthony said. “I can't deal with this right now, I need to leave.” Gerard was left in an uncomfortable position. Should he leave? Should he ask Frank what had happened to him and offer advice?

“Frank?” Gerard knocked.

“What the fuck do you want?” Gerard couldn’t believe his tone of voice. It was harsh and angry and he snarled it like an animal. 

“Are you okay?” Gerard whimpered, and Frank opened the door to show bright red eyes. From crying, Gerard realized. “Frank, what happened?” Gerard found himself whispering, looking at the young boy who seemed close to tears again. His mom had been in the same situation before with him, he remembered. Donna had caught Gerard crying and he was so angry about it he isolated himself in his room for two days, not bothering to go out for food or water. 

Frank opened the door to look, and sneered at him. He mumbled something that sounded like ‘go away’. Gerard then noticed the younger one’s lip was busted, and his eye was looking swollen, like he had been hit. He had to, there were marks all over his fair skin. Gerard couldn’t leave Frank now, Frank and Gerard were friends...Gerard needed to be there for his friend, even if that friend seemed to be pushing Gerard away right now. “I told you get out!” Frank almost screamed, shoving Gerard’s chest trying to get him to move. 

Gerard grabbed Frank’s hands and something changed in his eyes, they were soft, less harsh, and held a lot of pain behind them. His hands went limp and Frank didn’t fight anymore, just let Gerard look at him. “Tell me what happened, please.” Gerard wanted to be firm, but he didn’t want to sound like a parent. Frank was upset, clearly, and he wanted to fix it, make him back into that snarky kid who was really nice inside, who watched stupid movies all the time and complained and was really fucking funny sometimes. 

“I just got bullied again, it’s nothing,” Frank whispered. 

“Why were they bullying you?” Gerard waited, letting go of his hands, he hadn’t noticed he was holding them for so long. “I want to help, really,” he mumbled, suddenly flustered and unsure why he was so nervous. “You’re my best friend.”

“The kid who cut my face awhile back,” Frank started, and walked over to his bed where Gerard followed and sat down next to him. “He started this rumor, or had his friends start this rumor that I was having sex with one of my classmates, Bob.” He took a deep breath and looked at Gerard, but Gerard didn’t know how else to respond, or do with that information. “Bob got really pissed, and said that I was obsessed with him...and he turned on me. They all did. Bob told me that we couldn’t talk anymore and called me a -” Frank literally shook, and Gerard put his hand on Frank’s back, urging him to go on. “A faggot. Fuck, I’m so humiliated.” Frank started to cry, quiet whimpers and sniffles that didn’t go beyond that.

Frank wiped his eyes and looked miserably at Gerard. “It’s okay,” Gerard said, but was lost on how to help him. 

“I’m gay, I thought when people eventually found out, they’d accept me. They did this instead.” Frank gestured to his face. “Can you get me something to clean with? It’s sore. My entire face.” Gerard hurried over to the bathroom and grabbed anything he himself had used for cuts and bruises and sprains. When he came back, a minute later, Frank was crying again. “I can’t go back to school tomorrow. I can’t.” 

“You have to,” Gerard said, applying a cool ice pack to Frank’s eye.

“I can’t!”

“Anthony and Linda will see this, you know? Maybe they can get the kids that did this suspended.” Frank shook his head, his lip quivering. “Hey,” Gerard thought of an idea. He didn’t know if it’d help, but maybe he just needed a friend around him. “Why don’t we walk to your school tomorrow? You can show me the place. Or, do you go off campus for lunch? We can eat together or, you know.”

“No,” Frank said. Gerard couldn’t hide his hurt. “I don’t need my parents’ friend around me when I just got beaten up for being gay. They’ll see you and tease me about it or worse.” Frank turned his head. “Can you please just leave me alone for today?”

Gerard was defeated, unfortunately, and went home to his quiet room, laying on the mattress covered in his blanket that smelled. He couldn’t sleep, even when the sun set and darkness consumed his room, leaving him awake and thinking about his only friend. Gerard’s sleep, when it eventually came, was dreamless.

 

“I came by to check on you since you weren’t at work,” Frank said, his hand removing itself from Gerard’s skin. His own cheeks grew hot. “You were passed out when I found you. I lugged you over to the couch and let you cool off. Your fever’s gone down.” Frank finished, remembering him very slowly pulling the older boy up and getting him to the couch in one piece. Mikey, of course, couldn’t help, but Frank didn’t blame him. Mikey just stayed in the corner and pouted.

“Thanks…” Gerard finally mumbled, Frank strained to hear it. 

“He’s blushing,” Mikey commented. 

“Frank...I -” Gerard looked like he had more to say. Frank was afraid he had gone too far with something, he had gone quiet. He got up and walked, and Frank watched, almost scared...Gerard engulfed him in a hug, pulling him closer, his chin on the boy’s scruffy head. “Thank you,” Frank made out his apology, it was more sincere.

“It’s - It’s no big deal, rea -” Frank accidentally hiccuped. “Really. We’re friends, so...So it wouldn’t be right if I didn’t help you.” He smiled at Gerard. Gerard’s mood changed, much brighter, it seemed, then his face fell. 

“Frank, hell, isn’t it late? You should go home. I don’t want to get myself in trouble with your parents. Go ahead and let yourself out.” Frank wanted to say fuck his parents, he wanted to stay longer, but he didn’t want to stress Gerard out and get him ill again. 

“Okay, but lock your fucking door when you’re by yourself, you dumbass!” Frank replied, faking his happiness, forcing a smile. Mikey appeared before him and mouthed ‘deal’. “Get better soon so we can hang out.” Frank added, nodding at Mikey. Something in his presence had changed, he wasn’t pouty like before, but he wasn’t being a smartass, or even joking around. It seemed much darker, and Frank was kind of scared of it, it brought back that feeling when Frank had watched Mikey attack Jeph. It was almost something sinister. 

Frank wished Gerard had a phone. But he knew he couldn’t really afford much now. Frank’s company was a dead boy who scared him. His routine was still mind-numbingly dull. He got occasional glares from Jeph and his friends, but not much else. The days when Frank went to see Gerard - when had it been a joy, going to the restaurant? - that was when he was most happiest. Usually, Mikey was in a good mood, too, watching his brother live and do work. Frank noticed Gerard looking at the window and grinned. 

“Hi!” Gerard said, and Frank noticed how happy he sounded. Was it because of him?

“Hey, G-” Frank stopped himself and went pale. He was about to use his real name, which Gerard had no idea that Frank knew the truth about him. “James. Feeling any better?”

Gerard had to have been suspicious. “Yeah,” Gerard answered slowly. Frank breathed in. “Most of it is out of my system. I probably would have still been sick if I was just left on the floor.” Frank went to go sit down at the bar stool and Gerard went over to a table, Mikey following after him.  
Mikey walked over to Frank and had a shit-eating smile on his face. 

“What?” Frank whispered. 

“Someone likes my big brother!” Mikey sang. He pointed towards the waiter and a high school girl, and one Frank knew. Lindsey Ballato. Frank and Mikey watched the encounter together in amusement when Frank heard his dad call “James”, and Gerard looked extremely relieved to be away from her.

Frank locked eyes with Gerard and smiled smugly. Mikey started to sing and Frank joined in, not even sure if Gerard could hear it. “Oh shut up,” Gerard grumbled, and Frank just kept his smile. 

“She’s at the coffee shop across the street,” Frank watched Lindsey leave without her friends, go over to the coffee shop, and sit down by the window, clear view of the restaurant. “I think she’s waiting for you to get off work so she can see if you want to go on a date with her. Kind of cute in a creepy way.” Mikey nodded his head.

Frank knew Gerard was busy, but he was still disappointed that they could only talk for a few seconds. After work, Frank told him that Lindsey was still waiting for Gerard at the coffee shop. When Frank went home with his parents, he caught a glimpse of them talking. Mikey was watching, too.

“He’s gay, you know.” Mikey spoke nonchalantly. 

“Did he tell you that when you were alive?” 

“No,” Mikey went silence. Frank thought the conversation was over and turned over in his bed, turning off the light. “I found a few letters between them. I told our mom and she didn’t react well.” Frank closed his eyes, ready for sleep, but he couldn’t stop his mouth.

“You’re kind of an asshole, Mikey.”

Frank turned over and plugged his ears when Mikey started to laugh.

Gerard decided to ask Frank for advice on how to date, after work on Friday night. Mikey was begging him to help, so Frank agreed, even though he didn’t know the first fucking thing about dating. Or girls. Or anything. Mikey pointed out that Gerard looked like a nervous wreck when he asked, and Frank noticed too. Had Gerard never had a date, either? 

It was a little while before Gerard’s date. He had come over earlier terrified, because he didn’t have any nice shirts to wear. Mikey was up all night talking to Frank, annoying the living boy, because he just wouldn’t shut his trap about how cute it was that Gerard was going on a date.   
Frank knew he was hiding something.

“You're almost nineteen, and you've never went on a date?” Frank snorted, his mouth full of potato and salty mush. 

“No,” Gerard threw a toy ball at Frank and he ducked. "Have you?"

“Yeah of course,” Frank replied, because it wasn’t a lie. But it was back in middle school, with Jamia... Frank straightened out Gerard’s shirt and tried to say, casually, “don't tell me you're a virgin.”

“Gross, Frank!” Mikey spit out, his face in his hands. “I don’t want to know about my brother’s sex life or lack of it.”

Frank noticed Gerard tense up and almost fall off the bed and nearly broke into tears laughing. “You are!” He exclaimed. Gerard was so similar to him, Frank thought. He couldn’t believe Gerard was a virgin. The older boy was attractive, Frank didn’t want to admit it, but he was. Gerard had such beautiful eyes, and his body wasn’t terrible, either. Frank would call it cute.

“No I'm not! Shut up! You're fourteen, don't tell me you're not a virgin.” Gerard fired back, and Frank just smiled at him, not believing it for one second. He might be really beautiful, but he was pretty awkward. Frank tensed when he remembered his first time.

“I'm...not a virgin.” Frank admitted. He noticed Gerard’s shocked eyes and his mouth about to form a million questions. “Anyways, just be calm during your date with this girl, okay? Don't act like a douchebag and don't be all nervous. Being late is douchebag behavior, so you better get dressed and go.”

“I don't even know why I agreed to this date,” he muttered afterwards, Frank on the bed, admiring his shirt. “I was on the spot. I didn't want to be an asshole.” He understood that Gerard didn’t want to be mean, but he couldn’t help it if he wasn’t attracted to women. Frank was the same way.  
A good deal of time passed. He wouldn’t tell Mikey, but Frank was thinking about Gerard the whole time, almost obsessively, and his stomach had a warm feeling that Frank couldn’t identify. Why was he thinking about Gerard so much? It got dark, and the doorbell rang. Frank hopped off his bed and ran over to the door. He knew, and Mikey knew that Gerard was behind it. “How was it? I hope you didn't bore her to death.” Frank joked nervously. 

“It was n-nice,” Gerard answered. “It was just a date. It wasn't anything special. She kissed me, though.” The warm feeling returned when Gerard told him that the couple had kissed. He looked at Mikey, almost to ask, ‘isn’t he gay?’ because Frank swore that’s what Mikey had told him. There was a feeling deep in his chest, and he grabbed Gerard’s arm and walked to his bedroom. “How was she, James? Good kiss, bad kiss?” Frank didn’t want to know the details, really, but it’s what friends asked after dates.

“I don't know!” Gerard laughed and pushed Frank, touching his chest. “I wasn't paying attention. I zoned out, I think, but her lip gloss tastes good.”  
“Are you gonna go out again?” That, for some reason, made Frank feel a bit better.

“Probably not,” he answered. “She was pretty, but I don't like her. I'm not looking to date anyone, I just need to focus on work. I'm getting a mattress and sheets tomorrow.” 

“Do you wanna spend the night?” Frank asked, handing him a pair of sweats. He was so relieved. Frank tolerated Mikey’s company only because he couldn’t leave, but Gerard was okay, he was funny and liked good movies, and made Frank feel not lonely and not scared.

“Will your parents mind?” Gerard asked.

“Nah. They love you, James. And we're friends.” Mikey went to Gerard and went on his tippy toes, touching his hair. 

When dinner started, Mikey moaned. “I wish I could eat again,” Frank watched him stare, almost like a young boy in love, at the lasagna and garlic bread. Frank’s mouth was watering, too. Anthony asked Gerard about something, but Frank didn’t pay attention until halfway through. 

“No,” Gerard said, fork in hand. “My parents are spending Christmas in another state, so I'm here if you need me to work or anything.”

Frank looked at Mikey. “He just wants to stay away from your parents?” Mikey nodded thoughtfully. For the rest of dinner, Mikey complained about not being able to eat anything. Ghosts didn’t get hungry, but he missed the taste of good food. Frank and Gerard cleaned up and the three went into his bedroom. 

Frank went into the bathroom, leaving the brothers in his room. “My brother was being creepy and went through your closet,” Mikey told him. “And your nightstand. Please don’t call him out, though.” Frank was creeped out, of course, but Gerard was curious. Frank had never really gave him a tour of the room. Frank felt a pang in his chest, again. He must have seen the guitar. Ever since Mikey came to him, he had stopped. Frank never played in front of anyone, and he wasn’t about to play in front of a ghost, but Frank missed it, the release that he needed. 

“Frank?” Gerard looked down like he was guilty.

“Hm?” Frank hummed. 

“Do you have any blank paper? And a pencil? I want to, um, draw.” Gerard mumbled shakily. 

Frank looked at Mikey with wide eyes. “You draw?” Frank asked. Mikey nodded and gave a thumbs up. “I wish I could, I don't really have any talent.” Frank handed him his materials and watched Gerard become hypnotized, the pencil moving quickly, roughly. The eyes were the first thing Frank recognized, and it all came into place. 

“Gerard,” Mikey smiled, but there was something strange about it. Frank thought he might cry again, like when Gerard admitted that he had a little brother. “Gerard, you’re so ridiculous.” Frank watched Gerard finish and come back to his surroundings.

“Your brother?” Frank whispered, quiet. Mikey, a pencil sketch, was staring back at him. The ghost Mikey studied the drawing, and touched it gingerly. Gerard nodded to answer Frank’s question, and laid down, ignoring everyone.

Jeph deemed it safe to pick on Frank again. Not through bullying, exactly, Frank went for so long without any scratches or cuts or bruises or blood. Jeph found ways to piss Frank off through words, spread by rumors. He heard it at first from a girl having a conversation with one of her friends, glaring at the boy in disgust, and he froze in his tracks, making Mikey bump into him. 

“Did you hear -”

“Yeah, Bob Bryar, who knew?”

“I didn’t know we had faggots at this school,” one sniggered. 

“Look, it’s -” 

The two girls looked at him and laughed. She looked at him innocently enough and asked, sweetly, “where’s your boyfriend, Frankie?”

“What?” Frank glared at her. “What the fuck are you talking about?” The girls laughed and walked away, leaving both the boys clueless. Frank turned towards Mikey. “What do you think that was about?” he mumbled, making sure he didn’t have anyone to hear him. “There’s a rumor going around, it has to be.”

“Who’s Bob? Is he that kid who looks constantly in pain?” Mikey asked.

“Yeah, maybe he knows something about it. I’ll ask him.” Frank sat down in his usual desk in math, near Bob Bryar, someone he kind of knew only as the kid who was still considered a freshman even though he was about Gerard’s age. Bob seemed like an okay guy, he wasn’t a douchebag, in fact Frank had worked with him a couple times on homework and projects. Mikey sat on Frank’s desk, and pointed out Bob to him when he walked in.

Bob stomped over to Frank and grabbed his shirt. “Why are you so fucking obsessed with me, you little punk?”

“B-Bob?” Frank asked, cowering under his intense gaze. “I don’t know what’s going on,” he said. He glanced over at Mikey who looked like he didn’t care much, but there was fear in his eyes, too. “Why…”

“Shut up!” Bob yelled, causing more kids to come in the room and watch. “You think just because I’m nice to you sometimes you can just say we fucked? I’m not gay, you fucking faggot.” Bob’s fist met Frank’s eye, and as Bob and Jeph and his crew dragged him out of the class, he tried to block out all the pain he felt. Words couldn’t hurt him, but his body was sore and he was dizzy, and Frank looked at Mikey almost helplessly. Mikey looked away, and Frank knew he couldn’t do anything, so he just let himself be defeated this one time. 

“I’m sorry, Frank.” Mikey whispered as they walked home. The older boy shrugged and licked his hurt lips. “You look really bad, do you need to go to the hospital?”

“I’m going to put them in the hospital,” Frank had meant to yell, but his throat was dry. There was a hatred brewing inside him, and he couldn’t see anything but red. “Mikey, please, do something about them. Kill them, hurt them, something…” Frank trailed off as he reached the door. His dad stepped out, and Frank tried to hide his face as he shoved past his father, noticed Gerard standing there dumbly, and locked himself in his room. Hot tears ran down his cheeks, and he couldn’t even feel ashamed for crying in front of Mikey, but he was quietly crying into his hands, trying to keep himself together.

“Frank?” Gerard knocked on his door. Frank let out a shaky breath.

“What the fuck do you want?” Frank growled.

“Are you okay?” Gerard said, and Frank thought it sounded hurt. He opened the door. “Frank, what happened?” Gerard whispered. Frank’s eyes teared up again and he tried not to let them flow. He wasn’t going to cry in front of the brothers, both of them, in one day. The young boy forced them back and prayed it’d be enough. Frank opened the door. 

“P-Please go away,” Frank told him. Gerard was studying his face. “I told you get out!” Frank screamed, too tired to fight, and he shoved Gerard back. 

Gerard grabbed Frank’s hands. He decided that it wasn’t worth fighting to get Gerard away, and let himself grow limp.“Tell me what happened, please.” Gerard said, staring at him carefully, holding his hands like he was fragile and could break any second.

“I just got bullied again, it’s nothing,” Frank whispered, and he wanted to say that Gerard had seen him with wounds before, but he kept quiet. Mikey watched, sitting on his bed, keeping himself quiet. He must have known not to interrupt what was happening.

“Why were they bullying you?” Gerard asked, and let go of Frank’s hands. Frank silently wished he didn’t let go, though. “I want to help, really, you’re my best friend.” He blushed, he couldn’t help it. Frank took five long breaths, in and out, and felt himself grow calmer. 

“The kid who cut my face awhile back,” Frank said, trying to think of ways to explain. Mikey left the room so Frank walked over to his bed, Gerard following him. “He started this rumor, or had his friends start this rumor that I was having sex with one of my classmates, Bob.” Another deep breath, and Frank looked to Gerard to get courage to continue. “Bob got really pissed, and said that I was obsessed with him...and he turned on me. They all did. Bob told me that we couldn’t talk anymore and called me a -” Frank looked at his hands and his vision started to blur. A warm hand pressed itself against Frank’s back, and he finished. “A faggot. Fuck, I’m so humiliated.” Frank let himself go, knowing he said that he wouldn’t cry in front of Gerard, but it hurt. It hurt so fucking bad.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit NSFW near the end. (wet dreams - ft Frank)

“I’m gay, I thought when people eventually found out, they’d accept me. They did this instead.” Frank gestured to his face, surprised that he was talking...“Can you get me something to clean with? It’s sore. My entire face.” Gerard went to the bathroom and Frank touched his face, his eye, especially, and Frank was crying again. Frank wiped his eyes. “It’s okay,” Gerard said, and Frank wanted to glare. How would this be okay? 

“I can’t go back to school tomorrow. I can’t.” He whimpered when Gerard came back.

“You have to,” Gerard said.

“I can’t!” Frank answered quickly, forcefully.

“Anthony and Linda will see this, you know? Maybe they can get the kids that did this suspended.” Frank shook his head, his lip quivering. “Hey,” Gerard said instantly. “Why don’t we walk to your school tomorrow? You can show me the place. Or, do you go off campus for lunch? We can eat together or, you know.” Frank was touched by the offer, but he couldn’t risk being seen with Gerard, in total fear of being hurt again.

“Accept it,” Mikey said quietly. “Please.” Frank ignored the ghost’s request.

“No,” Frank answered. Gerard frowned. “I don’t need my parents’ friend around me when I just got beaten up for being gay. They’ll see you and tease me about it or worse.” Frank turned his head and let tears leak out. “Can you please just leave me alone for today?” He didn’t want to cry in front of someone anymore.

Gerard left, looking upset. He hated making people upset, but he didn’t want to cry anymore. “Frank?” Mikey asked. “I know I can’t go far, but I’ll leave, too.” Frank nodded and puckered his lips. Mikey walked and sat in the living room, while Frank started to cry, hard. They were more like ugly sobs. He should have listened to Mikey and let Gerard hang out with him. Maybe Gerard could take him someplace far away. When he was done crying, his parents were home. He faked being asleep when his mom came into the dark room.

“Frankie?” Linda walked over to her son’s bed and ran her fingers through his hair. Frank breathed even and slow. “I see, you’re asleep,” she whispered. “I love you.” His mom was still in the room when Frank fell asleep. 

He woke up early the next morning at five am. “Good morning,” Mikey said. “I hope you feel better, and would you please accept Gerard’s offer?” Frank ignored him, slipped on his shoes and his hoodie, brushing his teeth quietly, and sneaked out the door. “Frank? You aren’t running away, right?”

“Shut up! I wish you weren’t following me around, you annoying ass little demon.” Frank spit, taking a turn to Gerard’s street. When Frank put his hand on the doorknob, it was locked, so he knocked, one, two, three. “James? It’s me. Wake the fuck up.” Gerard stumbled to the door and made some sleepy, incoherent comment. His hair was pointing up, and he was in nothing but his boxers.

“Frank?” Gerard rubbed sleep from his eyes, and Frank noticed they were bloodshot. 

Frank immediately blushed and his eyes wandered down to the man’s boxers. “H-Hey,” he was going to die, he had stuttered. “Will you eat lunch with me later? I feel better now.” 

“Oh, Frank -” You realized how stupid I am and want to stay away, Frank thought. He looked to read Mikey’s face, but it was blank. He was anticipating something. “I’m sorry, I told your dad I’d work today. Maybe we could go out this weekend?” Gerard put his hand up to scratch his skin and Frank saw his knuckles were bruised. 

“Yeah I’d like that,” Frank tried to say confidently, his eyes still on the bruises. 

“You’re going on a date with my brother,” Mikey laughed, moving through the rooms and the kitchen. Frank wanted to hide his face. Was it really a date? Would it be considered a date?

“What’s wrong?” Gerard asked, noticing Frank’s strange look, probably. Frank waved it away and said he needed to leave, and he apologized for waking Gerard up. Mikey joined Frank again outside with some kind of twisted grin on his face.

“What, did you find your brother’s dildo or something?”

Mikey ignored the comment.

There was a cop car at the school when Frank arrived. It wasn’t unusual, the school was full of druggies that sometimes got caught, so it wouldn’t be too out of the ordinary if a cop showed up afterwards. Frank shrugged it off and opened the door. 

“Frank!” Mikey yelled out, and Frank turned around. 

A policeman and Jeph stood behind him, Jeph looking extremely beaten, two black eyes and a split lip and bruises around his cheeks. “Frank Iero?” The policeman asked. “I’m Officer Schechter. May we talk to you in private?”

“We?” Frank asked, his heartbeat racing. He looked anxiously over at Mikey.

“Gerard…” was all Mikey said.

“Your principal, myself, and Jeph.” 

“O-Okay,” Frank said, letting himself be walked over to the office.

“We have reasons to believe that you attacked Jeph Howard last night at 10:32 pm.” Officer Schechter said carefully. “Mr. Howard has informed me that you two often get into fights.” Jeph looked at Frank with a glare. 

“I was at home -” Frank said quickly, and he felt like he was going to hyperventilate. “I was sleeping. I didn’t have anything to do with this. We get into fights, he recently started a rumor that I was very upset about, but I wouldn’t attack him like this.”

“Maybe your little friend,” Jeph said. “He had one of his friends attack me a few weeks ago.”

“Did you get the face of this friend?” 

“Well, I - No.”

“Can I please call my parents?” Frank begged. “They can vouch for me. They were both at home. My mom watched me sleep, because I was really upset about what happened.” 

The principal called them up, and Linda burst in the door with a worried look on her face. “Frank? What’s going on?” She asked. “Please tell me you didn’t hurt this boy.” Linda was watching Frank’s eyes for the truth.

“I didn’t, I swear. You watched me sleep, Mom, I didn’t attack anyone.” 

“Jeph Howard was attacked at 10:32 pm,” Officer Schechter told his mom. “Since Frank and Jeph have gotten in their fair share of fights, he was the main suspect.” Linda looked relieved. “Do you have anything to say that can help Frank?” he asked.  
“I was watching him from 10:30 to 11.” Linda explained. “He was passed out like a log. There’s no possible way that my son could have slipped past me while I was there.” 

“What about Bob?” Frank asked. “Why didn’t you accuse him?” Jeph just looked quietly. The officer asked about Bob more, and said that he’d question him. Frank wasn’t off the hook, but at least he had Mom to tell Schechter. 

“Gerard.” Mikey said again.

Then Frank put it all together, like puzzle pieces. Gerard’s knuckles, bruised, like he had been punching something. Mikey saw something in Gerard’s apartment, and he remembered the small cut on Jeph’s neck. “What did you see?” Frank whispered.

“A knife with a small bit of dried blood, thought it’d be fun if you put two and two together.”

“Are you saying?”

“Gerard did this. He’s dangerous, Frank. Confront him about it when you see him. He needs to stop before he gets caught.” Frank couldn’t focus all day, he just couldn’t believe Gerard had hurt Jeph, Mikey was the scary one, and Gerard, well Gerard...he made Frank feel safe. He was friendly and nice, and Frank was happy talking to him. Would he have murdered Jeph? Was this revenge for hurting Frank?

“Frank,” Gerard smiled, and it was kind of nervous. “I’m sorry you had to see me like that this morning. I should’ve been dressed.” 

“James I need to talk to you. Alone.” Frank murmured. Gerard went to talk to Anthony. “When I say alone, I mean alone, Mikey.” Mikey put his hands up in defeat and Frank grabbed Gerard, dragging him over to the bathroom. There were no stalls, so it would be good for more private conversations. “James please be honest with me.”

“Of course.” Gerard said. “Are you finally asking for your favor?”

“No, I need to know what you did last night.” 

“I was pretty tired, so I slept all the night, why?”

“Why do you have those bruises on your knuckles?” Frank demanded. Gerard looked down at his hands and shrugged. 

“I don’t know, I must have done something at work to hurt them.” Gerard seemed confused, and he didn’t seem to be lying, either, he just stared at Frank. “I really don’t know how I got these.”

“One of my bullies,” Frank whispered. “He got beat pretty bad. I just wanted to know if you had anything to do with it. And the kn-” Frank stopped himself. He couldn’t explain to Gerard how he knew about the knife without revealing his secret, and he wasn’t sure that Mikey wanted his older brother to know just yet. 

“Frank, I would never!” Gerard said hastily. “I’m kind of hurt you’d accuse me of that. I didn’t hurt your bully.”

“Okay,” Frank nodded.

Frank was mentally exhausted when he got home, so he took a quick power nap. A while ago, Mikey had terrorized him, making it hard to sleep, now all he wanted to do was sleep. 

“God, I love you,” Frank hummed, pleasure coursing through his fucking veins. “I love you.” The mouth that was on his dick kept licking and sucking. “I’m gonna -” Frank whimpered, and the person stopped. “No, please, keep going,” Frank nearly begged.

“Beg for it, Frankie.” A familiar voice stated. Frank looked down at the familiar mess of raven hair, and Frank’s eyes met Gerard’s. 

“G-Gerard?” Frank choked out. 

He woke up and felt how hard he was. Jesus Christ, he just had a dream about one of his friends...He didn’t like Gerard. He couldn’t. Unless Gerard confessed his secrets to him, then Frank wouldn’t have a chance. 

Mikey must have noticed Frank’s problem as he slept and went out of the room. Frank silently thanked him and jacked off, quick and rough, imagining Gerard’s mouth making him feel so, so good. Guilt washed over him, and tears leaked down his cheeks. He didn't understand why he had to be this way.


	13. Chapter 13

When Frank went into the living room, he was embarrassed and flustered. Frank couldn’t tell Mikey that he had a wet dream about his older brother. Mikey had a look on him that was half amused and half disgusted. 

“I’m sorry,” Frank said, his head down. 

“It’s cool, I just need you to answer a question.” Frank gulped. “Was it about Gerard?”

“Yes,” Frank squeaked. “I’m sorry.” 

Mikey smoothed his hair and touched the hole from his gun wound. He shrugged and smiled sheepishly at Frank. “You’re starting to like him, aren’t you?” Frank nodded, realizing that yes, he had feelings for Gerard, and that dream just confirmed the way Frank wanted him, and Mikey laughed, looking at Frank like he was an idiot.

“He’s dangerous, Frank. Please don’t forget that. I love my brother, but there’s something wrong with him.”

When November ended, the snow came. Hard, fast, fat flakes, covering the ground overnight. Frank needed rides to school, mostly from his mom, and he found out that Gerard didn’t go outside on the weekends because he absolutely hated snow. But they had a date, and Frank knew he’d keep his promise, so Gerard and Frank met at Starbucks, even though Frank didn’t like coffee as much as Gerard did. Gerard was dressed in a scarf, jeans, boots, and two jackets. His face was locked in a frown, but he smiled when he saw Frank.

“You look happy.”

“Yeah?” Frank asked, ignoring Mikey’s smirk.

“Is it because of me?” Gerard teased. Frank took a sip of his coffee. 

“Can I stay at your house?” Frank blurted out, his head down, ignoring Gerard’s question. Gerard looked surprised, but he wasn’t rejecting it or ignoring it. “I think it’d be cool, to stay at your house,” Frank faltered, then looked up at Gerard who absolutely was glowing with delight. 

“I just bought a really good TV for cheap, and my neighbor gave me his DVD player,” Gerard said dreamily. “Do you want to grab some DVDs at your house?” Gerard threw away both of their empty cups and extended a hand to Frank. Frank took it and felt how nice his hand was, long, slender fingers, pale and soft. 

“I’m staying at James’ tonight, Mom!” Frank called, a bag full of clothes and DVDs. They walked to Gerard’s house together, Frank brimming with excitement. 

“Don’t get laid on the first date, Frank,” Mikey warned. 

“Shh!” Frank hissed, and Gerard looked at him skeptically. “Sorry, it’s just cold.” Frank explained, and Gerard handed the younger boy the scarf he had been wearing. “Thanks,” he muttered. 

 

Somewhere between Chucky and the beginning of Scream, Frank was bold enough to lay against Gerard. The man was just so comfortable. 

“James,” Frank whispered. Gerard looked at him with glazed eyes. “I’m sorry, do you want me off of you? I must have dozed off.”

“It’s okay,” Gerard answered, and licked his lips. His eyes were extremely nervous, and even though Gerard said it was okay, Frank could feel him getting uneasy as Frank rested his head on Gerard’s lap. “Frank?” Gerard whispered. 

“I’m leaving!” Mikey yelled, threw up his hands, and walked through the door. Frank giggled and smiled at Gerard.

“I’m really fucking stupid,” Frank said. Gerard raised his eyebrows. “I’m sorry.” He scrambled off of Gerard’s body and leaned forward quickly, pressing his lips against Gerard’s. “Fuck me,” he whispered to himself. Gerard stared off as if he had shocked himself. 

“Frank, why -”

“You didn’t kiss back.” Frank touched his lips. “James…”

“I can’t, I’m too old for you.” 

“You’re not nineteen,” Frank groaned. “You’re not much older than me. I know, James.” His words were bitter, and he didn’t understand why. “Please, just kiss me. Kiss me back.”

Gerard shook his head, his voice was confused mixed with hurt and anger. He moved farther away from Frank. “I can’t! I can’t fucking kiss you, Frank.”

Frank was overwhelmed, and nearly tumbled onto Gerard, smashing his lips against the older boy’s one more time. “Why won’t you?” Frank started to cry, tears making it hard to see. “Please, please.” Frank could beg. His lips quivered, and he could feel himself shaking. Ever since the dream the other night, Frank couldn’t keep his thoughts off of Gerard, and his mouth, and those fucking eyes. 

Gerard shoved Frank off of him. 

“I think you should tell your parents to come pick you up,” he said quietly, not looking at Frank. Frank watched him walk into the kitchen and grab some crackers. “Please, Frank, I don’t want to be around you right now.”

Frank ended up telling his Mom to come pick him up, saying he didn’t feel well, but he started tearing up again when he looked at Gerard who just looked blankly back at him.

“James?” Frank asked.

“Yeah?”

“You attacked Jeph, didn’t you?”

“I thought you were going to apologize to me,” Gerard said tiredly.

“Did you?” Frank asked, his stuff by the door. He wondered if Mikey was still outside. 

“I didn’t fucking hurt him!” Gerard screamed, walking over to Frank who was terrified of the outburst, and gripped his shoulders tight. “I wasn’t anywhere near your stupid bully, okay? What, are you just trying to put the blame on me so you don’t have to deal with what you actually did?”

His fingers were tight on Frank’s grip and he cried out in pain. “G-Gee, you’re hurting me.” Frank whimpered. “Please stop.”

“I didn’t fucking touch anyone,” Gerard mumbled, taking his hands slowly off of Frank. 

“I-I’m gonna go, I’ll wait outside.” Before Gerard could stop him, Frank was out the door, and when he saw Mikey, and his annoyed face, he burst into tears. 

Frank took down the stairs, and ignored every question Mikey fired at him. He ran, not really caring where he was going, not even when he saw his Mom’s car pass right by him, and he ran until his feet were sore. Frank dropped to the alley’s floor and buried himself in his hoodie. It took a second to dig into his bag for his Ipod, but he eventually found it and blasted Radiohead, numbing his thoughts and Mikey’s words. The ghost was screaming at him, but Frank didn’t care. He had embarrassed himself. He thought that Gerard would have reciprocated the kiss, but it was only Frank’s imagination, the way Gerard had made him feel, the wet dream he had, it made Frank want.

Frank knew better than to want things, he’d only get disappointed in the end.

His shoulders ached from Gerard’s hands on his shoulders just a little too tight. He checked the area and couldn’t touch it without it hurting. Frank didn’t even think it mattered that Mikey would give him hell for what he’d done later, all he wanted was to make his heart stop hurting. Gerard couldn’t be around Frank anymore? Gerard didn’t want to be around him?

Did Frank just mess up the only good friend he’s ever had, even if that friend was forced?

Frank bit his lip and sobbed into his sleeve. He slept on the floor, and didn’t care even when it started to rain and turn into snow. The music eventually died, and Frank could hear Mikey’s voice: “You’re going to die if you don’t get up, please. Frank. You’re going to freeze.” 

Frank’s body felt numb.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are appreciated by the way :) they make me keep wanting to write this story.

Mikey’s stomach could only churn when he saw Frank being hurt. He had watched Frank get picked on before, but something about it made him sick, and so he had to turn away. “I’m sorry, Frank. You look really bad, do you need to go to the hospital?”

“I’m going to put them in the hospital,” Frank answered, and Mikey was shocked. “Mikey, please, do something about them. Kill them, hurt them, something…” Frank trailed off as he reached the door. Mikey knew Frank didn’t mean it, and kept quiet. Frank and Mikey hurried into his room and Mikey watched, and heard Frank start to cry. He wanted to leave, but he kind of wanted to help Frank feel better.

“Frank?” Gerard knocked on his door. Mikey shot a glance at Frank but he didn’t look at him, only at the door.

“What the fuck do you want?” Frank growled.

Mikey decided this fight only for them, and watched on Frank’s bed silently. He was being respectful, but he just wanted to watch the drama unfold, too. He didn’t pay much attention to their conversation.

Instead, he was thinking. Gerard had never comforted Mikey like this, when he stuck himself up in his room and was too depressed to move. Gerard would rather comfort a strange boy than his own sibling, who was suffering from the same as Frank did when he was alive. 

“Hey,” Gerard said instantly. Mikey thought it appropriate to listen in now. “Why don’t we walk to your school tomorrow? You can show me the place. Or, do you go off campus for lunch? We can eat together or, you know.” 

“Accept it,” Mikey said. “Please.” 

“No,” Frank answered. Gerard frowned. Mikey glowered at him. God, he was so stubborn, sometimes. “I don’t need my parents’ friend around me when I just got beaten up for being gay. They’ll see you and tease me about it or worse. Can you please just leave me alone for today?” 

“Frank?” Mikey asked, getting off his bed, heading for the door. “I know I can’t go far, but I’ll leave, too.” Frank nodded and puckered his lips. Mikey walked and sat in the living room, staring at the ceiling while his feet rested on the coffee table and he laid against the soft pillows. Mikey wanted to sleep, but every time he closed his eyes he couldn’t drift off like the living did. It wasn’t that he was tired, but it was like insomnia, and it was almost crazy how long he’d gone without rest.

Frank fell asleep and Mikey stayed in the living room until morning, going in right when the sun came up. “Good morning,” Mikey smiled. “I hope you feel better, and would you please accept Gerard’s offer?” Frank ignored him, and went to get ready for school. An idea that Mikey wouldn’t have dreamed up came across his mind and he asked, “Frank? You aren’t running away, right?”

“Shut up! I wish you weren’t following me around, you annoying ass little demon.” Frank snarled, and Mikey followed him quietly until he noticed where they were going. Frank tried to get into the apartment, while Mikey walked in. The first thing he saw was his big brother in nothing but boxers. 

Frank looked to read Mikey’s face, but Mikey was ignoring the conversation until he heard that they were going out.

“You’re going on a date with my brother,” Mikey giggled. He moved and started to tour the apartment building. The pillows and blanket were starting to smell, and towels were scattered on the floor lazily, some dishes were piling up in the sink. Something gleamed and caught his eye.

A knife with some dried blood on it.

“Gee, you didn’t,” Mikey said disapprovingly, like Gerard was a child. Mikey hoped his big brother didn’t murder anyone. Mikey joined Frank outside.

“What, did you find your brother’s dildo or something?” Frank asked, and Mikey stopped smiling. He didn’t answer, even when Frank pestered him on the walk to his school.

“Frank!” Mikey could feel something was off, and warned Frank when he noticed a police officer and a very beaten up Jeph. 

A policeman and Jeph stood behind him, Jeph looking extremely beaten, two black eyes and a split lip and bruises around his cheeks. “Frank Iero?” The policeman asked. “I’m Officer Schechter. May we talk to you in private?”

“We?” Frank asked. He looked anxiously over at Mikey. Mikey saw the scabbing over cut that would have only been made by a knife. He hid his grin and tried to look shocked.

“Gerard.” Mikey answered to no one, hoping that Frank would understand.

The officer shot question after question directed at Frank, like where he had been, who could vouch for him, but Mikey only stared at Jeph. He had told the boy never to mess with Frank again, didn’t he? Jeph hadn’t listened. Maybe Jeph needed a reminder, and Mikey thought about making himself visible there and then, waving at the younger boy. If he pissed his pants, it’d be funny, but he didn’t want to get caught. And he wasn’t really sure why Jeph saw him in the first place.

“Gerard.” Mikey repeated, eyes hard on Frank.

Frank wasn’t a stupid kid. After the interrogation, and Linda talking to the officer for her son, Frank figured it out. “What did you see?” Frank whispered.

“A knife with a small bit of dried blood, thought it’d be fun if you put two and two together.” Mikey let himself smile.

“Are you saying -” Mikey cut him off.

“Gerard did this. He’s dangerous, Frank. Confront him about it when you see him. He needs to stop before he gets caught.” Mikey knew better than almost anyone the danger he could bring to people. His memories were foggy, but there was one that still stuck out to him: When Gerard ran away, and attacked Donald Way. There were other instances, too, but Mikey didn’t dare bring them up. He wouldn’t forget, though. Frank told Mikey he’d confront Gerard after class. They hurried to Iero’s restaurant, and Mikey watched and examined.

“Frank,” Gerard smiled at the boy. “I’m sorry you had to see me like that this morning. I should’ve been dressed.” 

“James I need to talk to you. Alone.” Frank murmured. Gerard went to talk to Anthony. “When I say alone, I mean alone, Mikey.” Mikey put his hands up in defeat. He waited at one of the tables that was unoccupied while the boys talked. He tried to go outside and enjoy the air on his dead skin, but he couldn’t even get that far. He huffed and put his head down. Mikey chastised himself for almost being like an animal when he looked up excitedly as the boys opened the door. He wanted to ask, but Frank seemed tired, so Mikey left it alone, even though he wanted to ask what had happened. Sure, he could have put himself in the bathroom at any time, but he didn’t want to deal with Frank’s pissy mood if he did. When they got home, Mikey planned to ask Frank how it had gone, but that little punk fell asleep, now Mikey was alone, plus he was bored.

It wasn’t until Mikey heard the noises did he grow nervous and kind of had a sickly feeling in his stomach. Frank was whimpering, and letting out little moans, and Mikey blushed even though he could no longer feel the heat in his cheeks. “Frank?” Mikey asked, almost praying the boy was just fucking with him, but Frank was deep asleep. Mikey caught his older brother’s name coming from Frank’s lips before he ran out of there like the world was ending. He kind of wanted to puke, but ghosts didn’t get sick.

He laid on the couch and kept moving, trying to make himself comfortable. 

Frank came out about half an hour later, with very noticeable pink cheeks, and Mikey could see it though even his head was hung down, his hair a mess hiding his eyes. “I’m sorry,” Frank finally said, still not looking at the boy.

“It’s cool, I just need you to answer a question. Was it about Gerard?” Mikey came to the conclusion that Frank really didn’t need to lie to Mikey, so he expected the truth.

“Yes.” Mikey saw him glance up for a brief second, then down again. “I’m sorry.” 

Mikey smoothed his hair and fingered the hole from his gun wound, not really realizing he was doing it. Mikey shrugged, trying not to mentally picture Frank or Gerard in any suggestible positions. “You’re starting to like him, aren’t you?” Frank nodded. Mikey laughed, looking at Frank like he was an idiot. He had warned Frank about his older brother being dangerous, and yet he goes and has a wet dream about him. “He’s dangerous, Frank. Please don’t forget that. I love my brother, but there’s something wrong with him,” Mikey tried to explain to Frank, but he felt his effort was wasted.

“What should I wear?” Frank sighed, exasperated. He was talking like a fourteen year old girl who’d never been on a date. He walked over to Mikey then, who was sprawled out on the boy’s bed. “Mikes, tell me if I smell?” Mikey resented Frank and Gerard both for this.

If he was still alive, maybe he’d have a chance with Alicia...the beautiful girl Mikey had almost grown up with, if he had any friends. He’d practically drooled over her since the beginning of middle school. He watched her grow, always following her around, hoping she would notice Mikey, when no one really did. He wanted to go to Gerard for advice, but talking to him was like talking to a brick wall once he entered high school.

Frank walked over and practically stuffed his arm near Mikey’s nose, his pit exposed. “I’m not gonna sniff your arms!” Mikey growled, pushing him away. “Gross!” Frank had totally thrown off Mikey remembering bits and pieces from when he was alive.

When Frank and Mikey made it to the place where the three were supposed to meet, unfortunately Mikey couldn’t go too far. He didn’t want to watch the fun that the living experienced and he could not anymore. It made his heart fill with jealousy and loneliness. He had not experienced any others like him so far, and he feared he was the only ghost still on Earth, or if seeing other ghosts were even possible. He sat at a different table and watched the two, realizing that there might be more to the two boys than he had realized. 

Mikey followed Frank when he noticed the ‘date’ was over. Mikey didn’t have to ask to know that Frank was staying at Gerard’s for the night. He didn’t even go inside when Frank packed up his stuff for the night.

The two boys chattered while Mikey watched, walking behind them like he was a third wheel. Mikey could tell Gerard was extremely happy about Frank staying over, and Frank was excited, too. He remembered what had happened and the dream Frank had. “Don’t get laid on the first date, Frank,” Mikey hissed. 

“Shh!” Frank shushed Mikey. “Sorry, it’s just cold.” Frank explained, talking to Gerard now. 

Mikey wanted to eat junk food with his older brother and watch stupid movies and read comic books like they were doing, but he was doomed to a night of - Mikey suspected - no contact at all. Frank would be too occupied with Gerard, and Frank couldn’t talk to Mikey with Gerard right there.  
He watched Frank like a cat when Frank leaned closer to Gerard and actually almost laid on top of him. “James,” Frank whispered. Gerard looked at him with glazed eyes. “I’m sorry, do you want me off of you? I must have dozed off.” Mikey wanted to throw up. Was Frank doing this on purpose, just to get a rise out of Mikey? God, that was sick.

“It’s okay,” Gerard answered, and licked his lips. “Frank?” Gerard whispered. 

“I’m leaving!” Mikey yelled suddenly tired of the way they were so obviously flirting with each other, threw up his hands, and walked through the door. He could have tried to go far, but he kind of wanted to stay around to see how the rest of it would turn out. Of course, he blocked out any images that involved Gerard doing sexual acts, or Frank, or Gerard and Frank doing them together. He gagged at the thought.

The only thing Mikey heard was a lot of noises, but mostly yelling. It was a few minutes before Frank raced out the door and Mikey looked at him for answers to the questions he had. Frank started to cry though, and before Mikey could think, Frank bolted. The feeling that Mikey had an invisible rope tied around him dragged him closer to Frank, and he got on his feet and started chasing after him.

“What’s wrong?” Mikey yelled, but Frank just kept running. “Where are you going? Frank! What happened between you and my brother?” Frank’s lungs must have gave out, because he dropped on his ass and breathed heavily. Mikey wanted to scream, and he ended up doing so, but his little pawn stuffed his ears with buds and ignored Mikey’s screaming.

Frank out of the blue, bit into his sleeve and started crying, loud enough that Mikey had to stop making his noise. Rain started to pour, and Mikey knew with the Jersey weather it would start to snow and Frank would freeze. Mikey started to panic, and tried to get Frank to get up and go home, but he wouldn’t budge. Frank just stared blankly at Mikey with puffy, red eyes. “You’re going to die if you don’t get up, please, Frank. You’re going to freeze.” Mikey begged, wishing his flesh was still solid, wish he could kick him so Frank would move and it would actually affect the other boy.  
Mikey watched as Frank started to shiver.

Mikey sunk down to his ass, too, and begged Frank again and again. “Please,” snow had fallen, only a few flakes, but it’d soon grow. “He would be devastated if something happened to you, you know.” Frank shook his head slowly. At least now Mikey was getting a response out of him. “I don’t know what happened,” Mikey responded, his voice low and flat. “But whatever it is, you need to work it out with Gerard. He doesn’t hate you, he probably just doesn’t know how to react, Frank.” When had Mikey become a god damned therapist to the boy he was forced to see every day of his life? Death?

“I kissed him,” Mikey wasn’t surprised when Frank said it so quietly that he barely heard. 

“He didn’t react the way you wanted him to,” Mikey said matter-of-factly. 

“He just pushed me off and said he couldn’t kiss me,” Frank said numbly. The cold air was affecting him, Mikey knew that much, but Frank didn’t seem to notice or care. “I thought we could have had something.”

“You could,” Mikey said quietly, and he saw Frank’s eyes light up. “If, if Gerard ever told you the truth, you could actually have a chance.”  
“There’s no way I’d have a chance then!” Frank screamed. “Your brother is so fucking stubborn, he probably isn’t even close to telling me the truth. Mikey,” Frank looked at Mikey directly now and glared at him. “Why me?” Mikey heard Frank’s voice crack. “Why did it have to be me that you follow around and ask to do stupid favors? Couldn’t you choose some other life to ruin?”

“I didn’t fucking choose this,” Mikey said firmly. He didn’t have an answer for Frank though, he didn’t know why, out of all the people in the entire world, Frank was chosen to be the boy Mikey followed around until he figured out how to get to wherever he was going, whether it be hell, heaven, or just some other kind of afterlife. “Cry about it all you want, but you need to talk to him. Get up. You’re going to freeze to death, and where would that leave me? I’d have no one to do my favor, no one to help me move on.”

Frank got up but still stayed put where he was. “I can’t confront him, he probably hates me.”

“Did he say that to you?” Mikey bit his tongue. Frank shook his head. “Then you won’t know unless you ask him specifically. Go home, or go to him, they’re probably both worried about you.”

Mikey watched Frank weigh his options. “I’m going home,” his teeth chattered. “I’m sorry I tried to hit on your brother.”

Mikey didn’t respond, and walked with Frank home, where they stayed locked up in his bedroom when he arrived to an empty house. His parents must have went out to look for him, Mikey decided, and it definitely wasn’t Frank’s priority to let them know he was alright. Mikey sighed and rested on the floor until morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I promise things will make more sense soon. I only have about 5-10 more chapters planned, and it'll all come together.


	15. Chapter 15

For the next couple days, Mikey desperately wanted to see Gerard, but Frank was going to extreme measures to avoid him, even though Mikey told him to confront Gerard about it. He missed his older brother. They hadn’t stopped at the restaurant since that night, Frank refused to go the shortest route to his own house.

“Frank?” Mikey questioned. “You okay?”

Frank shrugged. 

“When are you gonna confront him?” Mikey asked forcefully, he was getting stressed out that Frank wasn’t listening to him.

“I don’t know.”

“I know when,” Mikey answered. “You’re going to confront him tomorrow. He’s off, you can go to his apartment and talk to him.”

“How do you know he’s not working tomorrow?” Frank looked up and stared at Mikey.

“Heard your parents say he wasn’t working, you’re going to go.” Frank shook his head fast and Mikey raised his eyebrow. “Listen here, Frankie,” Mikey got up in Frank’s face, he made sure his stare was uncomfortable, and he didn’t break eyes with Frank for a second. “You’re gonna stop acting like a five year old, stop pouting around, and grow a pair. You will fucking talk to my brother tomorrow, or I’ll make you regret it. That’s a fucking promise.”

Frank gulped, but eventually nodded, and Mikey smiled. He patted the boy on the head. “I’ll try to make up with him, but he probably hates me.”  
“Try to mend this thing between you two, you should….” Mikey paused, then remembered that Christmas was only twelve days away. Frank just had his last day of school, he was on Christmas break now. “Invite him over for Christmas. That way, he’ll think you’re over what happened.”   
“I’m not over what happened,” Frank whined. Mikey shot him a glare. “I really like your stupid brother, okay? I’m sorry. I kissed him, and he just sat there like a dead person. He had no emotion at all.”

“God, shut your fucking whining!” Mikey yelled. “You know what I have to say to that? Just get the fuck over him. He’s not even that good of a person!”

“He is,” Frank mumbled. “He is to me. What, did he not like you because you’re just as whiny as me?”

Mikey bit his lip. He wasn’t going to let everything out today. “He’s just not a good person, Frank,” he said simply. “I lived with him for fifteen years. I know him better than you do.”

“I guess you do,” Frank said, the bell rang, signalling the end of their conversation. “We’ll talk after school,” he whispered as he sat down at his desk.

They didn’t talk, of course. Frank ignored him the next day, but Mikey was persuasive. At the last second, Mikey grinned victoriously as Frank and him walked to Gerard’s apartment, Mikey pondered the outcome: Gerard would ignore Frank, leaving Mikey helpless to fulfill what needed to be done. Frank would just yell and get frustrated with Gerard, or they’d bang. Mikey prayed it wouldn’t be the last option. “Knock on the door,” he commanded Frank, and he noticed his hands were pale and shaking. 

“Y-Yeah,” Frank nodded. He knocked four times, and Gerard came stumbling to the door, and when he saw Frank, his smile quickly diminished. His pants were barely covering the tops of boxers, no shirt covering his skin. “H-Hey, James.” Frank said, and Mikey went to tour the place, looking for anything his big brother might be hiding. 

He smiled when he saw her in his bed. Those same bright eyes that he had noticed in the restaurant, and her dark hair. Mikey knew he was gay, but there was that girl, Lindsey, in his big brother’s bedroom. He saw what he needed to, walked out, and fixed his drooping glasses as he looked at Frank. “I forgive you,” Gerard said firmly, nodding as he spoke. “It’s okay. Thank you for coming to me. I’d invite you in, but I have to leave, soon.” Mikey watched Gerard’s eyes dart over to his bedroom, where his one night stand was waiting. “Can you please go, Frank?”

“But James -”

“Don’t push me,” Gerard said in such a voice that it made Mikey feel nervous, bringing back a memory that he couldn't dig deeper on.

Mikey kept quiet about Gerard’s date for a little while. Frank knew him well by now, and must have known he was hiding something, but didn’t push for details. Gerard had forgiven Frank, and Frank was brighter, more pep in his step, Mikey was nauseous. “I’m just so glad we’re friends again,” Frank told Mikey. “All this weight is off my heart.”

“You wouldn’t be friends if not for me, so thank the dead boy.”

“Thank you, Mikey.” Frank leaned up and kissed the dead boy’s cheek. “Your skin is warmer than you’d think,” he stated a second after the kiss. Mikey blushed and hid himself from Frank. “Gerard makes me feel alive inside,” Frank said. “This was meant to happen.”

Mikey rolled his eyes and, as they got ready for bed, he said, “I need to talk to you about Gerard. Something happened when you were apologizing.”  
Frank had been close to sleeping, but shot up and widened his eyes. “What’d you see while you were roaming around?”

Mikey smiled at how terrified and hesitant Frank sounded.  
“He had sex with Lindsey.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This kind of gets a bit triggering at the end.

“What?” Frank whispered. “What did you say?”

“Lindsey was in his bed when we stopped by. She looked like a recently deflowered woman. Glowing, they say. She definitely glowed.” Mikey relished in the way Frank was close to coming apart. He knew the sound of someone breaking. 

“Oh. Okay.” Mikey got up and took a closer look. He was crying, his chest moving fast and hard, like he had lost the ability to breathe. “You shouldn’t have told me. I’m. I -” Frank let himself make noise, sniffling occasionally, and he never finished his sentence. 

“I was just trying to be a good, honest friend,” Mikey smirked. “Isn’t that what friends do?”

Mikey listened to Frank cry himself to sleep. 

He was surprised to know that Frank was ready to confront him that morning. “I’ll kill him,” Frank hissed. Mikey rubbed his eyes. It was the fucking ass crack of dawn, and Frank was ready to destroy Gerard. His heart quickly recovered the broken pieces, stitching it back together hastily. “I’m gonna kill him, then you and Gerard can be ghost buddies together, then you’ll both be out of my fucking hair!”

“It’s so early,” Mikey complained. “Go back to sleep, mortal.”

Frank wasn’t swayed, so they walked to Gerard’s apartment at sunrise, and he pounded on the door so loud the elderly neighbor next door shouted at them. “James? Wake the fuck up. JAMES!” Gerard, of course, opened the door and had sleep in his eyes. Purple rings made his hazel eyes pop. “Hey,” Frank said. “I’m coming in.” They both trailed past him, and Mikey took a seat on the couch. “We’re going to have a conversation, you and I.”

“Now now, Frankie,” Gerard grinned. There was something dark in the older boy’s eyes, and Mikey knew Frank wouldn’t understand, but it reminded Mikey of when his trophy met Donald’s face and head, again and again until he came to his senses. “Why’d you come all the way here?” He teased. “Want me that bad?”

“Frank, we need to leave.” Mikey warned. “Gerard is dangerous right now.”

“N-No! I can handle -” Frank stopped, and looked at Gerard, who had a quirked eyebrow. He hadn’t meant to talk to Mikey so loud, and Mikey stayed quiet. 

“Handle what?” Gerard asked, moving closer in towards Frank, Mikey thought he looked like a cat watching a mouse. Mikey couldn’t handle it anymore and went to explore in the rooms. The bathroom was recently cleaned, the kitchen still stunk with dirty dishes, and a knife was on his poor excuse of a dining table. It was old and one leg was too short, so he didn’t know why Gerard kept it. Last was his bedroom, where he noticed an interesting stain that almost looked orange. Mikey kept his ears perked for any noises that might seem like Frank was in trouble. Hadn’t he warned Frank about Gerard? No one ever fucking listened to the dead boy with common sense.

When Mikey walked back into the living room, Gerard was on top of Frank, looking down at him like he was a piece of meat. “You want me, right?” He purred. 

“No, I -”

“No?” Gerard asked, sat back, looking hurt and confused. “Is that how it’s gonna be, then?”

“James, you’re hurting me...Please get off of me.” Frank whispered. 

“I see your problem,” Gerard looked down. 

Mikey blushed furiously. Frank was growing hard, and Mikey averted his eyes. 

“James...You had sex with Lindsey, right?” Frank mumbled, sweat gathering on his brow. “Why did you?”

“You’re jealous, then?” Gerard grinned, his hands fumbling to unbutton Frank’s pants, and Mikey ran outside, a sick feeling twisted in his stomach. He tried to block out the noises, fingers in his ears, and he screamed. 

Frank spent the night at Gerard’s house, and Mikey refused to go inside. He did not want to see what had happened between those two. He wanted to sleep desperately, to run away like Gerard did, but he couldn’t do anything if Frank wasn’t with him. It was early in the morning when he heard them fighting once again. Mikey prayed to whoever that neither of them were naked and decided to intervene. “Fuck you, James,” Frank was close to tears. Mikey watched them, Gerard was in the bed, his bare chest exposed, as Frank got dressed. “This didn’t mean anything?” Frank glared at Mikey, then, and Gerard was quiet. “You didn’t say that when I sucked you off last night!” he snarled. He grabbed his shoes and pulled them on.

“It was a mistake, Frank.” Gerard whispered. “I’m the older one here, and things just went too far. I’m sorry, Frank. It didn’t mean anything. Please, go home.” Mikey didn’t know what to do. He was caught in between, feeling as helpless as ever. If Frank and Gerard didn’t make up over their fight, then Frank can’t keep his promise to Mikey. Mikey hoped Frank understood that they just needed to go home, and with a final slap to Gerard’s cheek, he ran out.

“I fucking hate him!” Frank screamed. “He was acting so different last night. I - I thought we had something, Mikey. I’m so sorry that happened. Fuck, I don’t know if I can do your favor, Mikey, he broke my fucking heart.”

“I warned you,” Mikey said in monotone. “I warned you about him.”

Frank shifted uncomfortably at the repetition and nodded slowly. “I know I should have listened to you,” he said. “But he just -” 

“He’s so charming when he’s not that way,” Mikey said carefully. “He’s just this dorky, lovable guy, but then he turns into.” Mikey paused for a moment to think of the right word. “He like, he becomes a totally different person. A monster.”

“What did he do to you?” Frank asked, stopping in his tracks. “You tell me he’s a monster, and you don’t tell me what he did to make you think that way.” Mikey looked around to make sure no one was listening in, even though he knew he was being ridiculous. It was more likely that Frank would look crazy, no one could see Mikey. If there was a better time, then Mikey decided it was now. He needed to spill everything about Gerard to him or else he might never let it out again, he might be cursed to live on Earth as a ghost forever.

 

 

Michael James Way turned fifteen and his big brother started ignoring him. Gerard had just gone through a tough break up and all he did was lock himself in his room. Mikey didn’t really mind, but when the bullying started and he went into high school, he expected his big brother to stick up for him. Gerard just looked away and didn’t get himself involved. 

Two months into the school year and something changed inside Gerard, something broke, and that’s when he became verbal, only at certain points throughout the day. He was mean and nasty, and Mikey concluded that it was from heartbreak and Gerard would get through it, he just needed to let off steam. It was Mikey after all who had told Gerard’s secrets. It was Mikey’s fault that Gerard no longer had his boyfriend. The threats came first: blue sticky notes that said hateful things like “die you piece of shit” and “u should have been swallowed” hidden in his locker. Mikey had no idea who it was at first, only knew that whoever was sending the hate messages had Mr. Gilbert, because Mr. Gilbert was the only one who used blue sticky notes. They became more threatening as time passed, and Mikey wasn’t any closer to figuring out who it was. He couldn’t place the handwriting. 

Mikey was doing homework that Saturday at his desk, when, for the first time in a long time, Gerard came in, his lips formed in a scowl. The younger boy hoped he’d seen the notes and was going to do something about it, until Gerard asked, sprawled out on Mikey’s bed, “you’ve been getting my notes, Mikeyway?”

“What notes?” Mikey’s heart pounded.

“You know,” Gerard drawled. “The notes I’ve been having Vincent write. They’re all from me.”

“Y-You’ve been sending me those notes?” Mikey uttered. 

“You really are stupid, Mikes.” Gerard laughed, flipping through one of his comic books. “I’ve been sending those, yes, and sending those bullies after you.”

“Why, Gee?” Mikey’s lip quivered. He couldn’t believe that his own brother, one he had adored for so many fucking years, was bullying him, was the reason he felt so low for so long. “Why are you doing this?”

“I just want you fucking dead,” Gerard said so nonchalantly Mikey couldn’t believe it. “You’re the reason Dad’s not around. You’re just a fucking problem. Can’t you just kill yourself and get it over with?” Gerard smirked, and Mikey heard his mom come in, calling the two boys for lunch. “If you tell Mom, I’ll kill you,” Gerard whispered, giving Mikey a shove. “Let’s go.”

Mikey was in a state of shock to say the least, but he followed Gerard, feeling a deep fear settle in his heart. Mikey decided then and there that’d he never love Gerard ever again.


	17. Chapter 17

Gerard looked down at his hands after Frank left. The taste of Frank’s lips still lingered on Gerard’s, and he felt a terrible pain overcome his chest. The way Frank had seemed so desperate, so upset, that Gerard couldn’t kiss back. If he wanted anything with Frank, he didn’t want it to be based on lies. He wanted Frank to know the real him. Did this mean that Gerard liked Frank, was attracted to him? Yes, but he couldn’t make himself do anything. He needed to be strong. In Frank’s eyes, Gerard was the adult.

Hell, Frank didn’t even know Gerard’s real name. He couldn’t force a relationship like that onto him. Linda came over, and Gerard explained the situation leaving out Frank begging for Gerard to kiss him. He wanted so badly for it to be a normal night, to just have fun with the younger boy for the night, but it escalated quickly and Gerard couldn’t fix it. Linda thanked him for trying to stop Frank, even though it was a lie, and said she was going to look for him. Gerard just nodded and sat on his couch.

Frank avoided him for a while, which Gerard was grateful for, but he was feeling kind of lonely, too. It had been so normal to be around Frank that Gerard was at a loss when he had no one to talk to. It was only Lindsey who brought him comfort during these times. She showed up at the restaurant more often, flirting with Gerard with more confidence, and they went on a second date. Gerard chose the place this time: the local park. He didn’t want to spend too much, but he ended up with a picnic blanket, a basket, and a lot of food. Lindsey held his hand, but he felt guilty that he couldn’t feel anything, he didn’t want to. Lindsey was a very beautiful girl, she was funny and sweet and they even had a lot in common, but Gerard couldn’t feel anything other than pure friendship. 

Lindsey must have seen through Gerard because she brought wine, too, to go along with their picnic, showing him the bottle she removed from her bag. “Aren’t you a little young to be drinking?” Gerard smiled genuinely, shoving her gently showing her that he was only teasing. 

“Shush, James,” Lindsey smiled at him, leaned forward, and pressed a kiss to his lips. He felt the mark her lipstick left, and remembered quickly Frank’s lips, then waved it away like a bad memory. By the time Gerard’s head was feeling swimmy they miraculously made it back to Gerard’s apartment. Lindsey was acting more drunk than she was, but Gerard didn’t mind, just helped her fall onto his couch. She initiated the second kiss, deepening it as Gerard kissed back for the first time, and he ended up awkwardly putting his hands on the small of her back.

“I’m so awkward at this,” he admitted shyly. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” she mumbled into his ear. 

Gerard tried to feel something, and at some points he did, he enjoyed the act although he was fairly new at it, but his mind was racing with too many deep thoughts. The noises Lindsey made kept him occupied, though, and when he finished, they laid together exhausted on the bed. She grabbed a pack of cigarettes and a lighter, and asked if Gerard wanted one. He agreed and let the stick between his lips, letting the nicotine flood his lungs.

They fell asleep with Lindsey on his chest, and when Gerard woke up early, she was still there, smiling dreamily as she breathed, looking as peaceful as ever. He had expected her to leave, but there she was, still. He was almost asleep again when a knock came to his door, and he expected it to be one of his neighbors. Gerard didn’t want to call out, so he quickly removed himself from Lindsey’s grip, put on a pair of boxers and jeans, and hurried to the door. When Gerard saw Frank, his heart sank. Why couldn’t Frank stay away? Gerard’s mind wandered, and he mentally kicked himself for thinking about Frank last night, when his focus should have been Lindsey.

“H-Hey, James.” Frank stuttered, looking scared to be there. Was it Gerard that was intimidating him? 

“Frank.” Gerard nodded curtly. “What’s up?”

“I just came over. I wanted to see you…” Frank shook his head, almost realizing what he said. “Not because of that. I wanted to apologize.” Frank wasn’t crying now, at least, he actually looked serious. Gerard relaxed. “I’m sorry. About what I did, I shouldn’t have done that to you. It was wrong of me. I was just thinking that we could put it behind us, maybe?” Frank looked up hopefully for a quick second, maybe in fear of rejection, then looked back down.

Gerard waited.

“I forgive you,” he dragged out his answer. “It’s okay. Thank you for coming to me. I’d invite you in, but I have to leave, soon.” He looked over to his bedroom and begged to anyone who was listening that Lindsey was a deep fucking sleeper. “Can you please go, Frank?” Gerard didn’t want to lie, but he knew it would destroy Frank if he found out about Lindsey. Why did Gerard even do it, knowing he didn’t want to? He wanted more than anything to play games or hang out with Frank, be like it was, but he needed to take care of Lindsey first.

“But James -” Frank protested.

“Don’t push me,” Gerard said harshly, stopping himself before he made Frank even more upset. He returned back to Lindsey, feeling the deep sleepy sensation that sometimes overtook him, and closed his eyes, his hand on Lindsey’s back. When he woke up a few hours later, Lindsey was gone, an interesting circle of dried blood was on his sheets. He figured she had an accident, her period or something, and cleaned his sheets. 

He looked in his cupboard and microwaved a two day old dinner from the restaurant, calling it breakfast. He didn’t start work until five, so he had a lot of time to kill beforehand. He thought about going to Anthony’s and hanging out with Frank, but he didn’t want to after what had just happened. It seemed like years ago, but that wasn’t the case. Gerard got dressed and decided to walk to the library so he could use the computer and look up his parents. The library was almost as old as the town, covered in dark blues, browns, and greys; a young woman who worked there doing inventory lead him to the personal computers, and he sat in the uncomfortable puke-colored chair. His fingers rested on the keyboard. 

In a quick moment of panic, he had forgotten his mother and father’s names. 

He knew Mikey, though. Mikey, his bestest little brother, one he loved so much. His heart ached. The memory surfaced: eating cereal that morning on Saturday morning, saving the world from monsters, and all the other things Gerard and Mikey did to kill time. It had been so long ago. Now Mikey was dead, dead by suicide. He searched the name that would be engraved in his mind forever and looked up articles on his death. None of them said it was a suicide, and Gerard was growing angrier by the minute as all these things didn’t even have the truth, all made up little lies to make Mikey’s death seem accidental.

Another memory that cut Gerard right to the fucking core, something he had been doing everything to forget, anything to make it go away. Mikey called him. Mikey called him, and Gerard could only cry as the sound of the gun fired. So many feelings had been rushing to him at once: despair, helplessness, terror. If only Gerard had been there for him, he knew he was being bullied, but he was too much of a coward to save him. Tears dripped down onto the desk, and he rubbed at his eyes quickly. 

“Are you okay, sir?” the young women asked, concern filling her voice. 

“Yes, I’m sorry. Just had a bad memory.” Gerard answered, startled by the sudden voice, thanked her for helping him, and left. He explored more of the town before getting into his work outfit back home, not even realizing that so much time had passed. His rent was almost due and he didn’t want to spend any more than he needed to, so he had gone back to less food, working more hours as the deadline approached. 

“Hey. James! You’re early.” Linda smiled at him as he walked towards Anthony. “You haven’t been around in awhile. I’m sure Frankie will go back to normal in a few days.” She patted his shoulder and he got to work.

Lindsey wasn’t there, which Gerard was kind of confused about, and he figured it was just because she must be feeling humiliated from the blood she had left. Gerard shrugged and let it go, and went to go help some regulars: a sweet elderly couple who tipped well. He never paid much attention to any of the waiters, simply because he had more to focus on, but he knew who they were. There were five of them today considering how slow it was, including Gerard. He was a rare waiter. Usually the male ones, or even the younger kids, just hosted. 

When he was done, his feet were sore. It had gotten busy just an hour before he could clock out, of-fucking-course, so he had multiple tables back to back. He rested on the bar seat as his last table finished up their meal. 

“James, can I talk to you?” Anthony asked. Gerard instantly thought of the worst case scenario, was he fired? His hours going to be cut short? Anthony smiled reassuringly at him. “Don’t worry, it’s a good thing.”

“What, boss?” 

“Since Christmas is coming up in a few days, would you like to join us for dinner? This year, we decided to have Christmas at our house, and Frank doesn’t have any relatives close to his age, so maybe you could keep him company?” Gerard wanted to go, but he thought of his unsure relationship with Anthony and Linda’s son. 

“I’ll think about it,” Gerard said, smiling weakly. 

“Thanks, son.” Anthony sent him on his way and he walked home, feeling too tired and dead to move from his couch. 

For the second day in a row, he was awoken by yelling at ungodly hours of the day. All he heard was someone’s familiar voice telling him to wake up, before he turned back on his side and slept.

His eyes opened lazily to peek at his surroundings. He must have dragged himself to his bedroom at some point during the night. Gerard had never been known as a sleepwalker, but he curled into himself and let out a relieved sigh. When someone wrapped an arm around his torso, he froze. “Morning, James.” Frank said, Gerard could hear the smile in his voice. The memories from earlier came flooding back, but he couldn’t remember what made him do that. 

“Frank!” Gerard squeaked, turning over to look at the naked boy’s chest. “Frank, no, Frank…”

“James, please.” Frank quickly understood what was going on. How many times did Gerard have to hear him beg and cry? “Please. Last night made me so happy. Don’t ruin this.” Gerard shook his head and Frank’s eyes were glassy.

“You need to leave. You need to go right fucking now.” Gerard resisted the urge to pull him back into the bed and just succumb to the feelings overwhelming him, and looked away when Frank got dressed. “I was in the wrong. Please leave, Frank. It didn’t mean anything.” 

“Fuck you, James,” Frank was close to tears. “This didn’t mean anything?” There was nothing Gerard could do to mend them. “You didn’t say that when I sucked you off last night!” he snarled. Gerard remembered that, and he shook it away and bit his lip.

“It was a mistake, Frank.” Gerard whispered finally. “I’m the older one here, and things just went too far. I’m sorry, Frank. It didn’t mean anything. Please, go home.” Frank walked up to Gerard and he felt a sting against his cheek. Gerard didn’t say anything as Frank ran out crying, only touched the burning sensation on his cheek in a stunned silence.


End file.
